POETRY COLLECTIONS

MYTHOLOGY

PANDORA'S BOX

Her mouth was agape
and open and flapping
as she stared in horror,
letting all the horrible thoughts
rush out of the locked box
that was her mind
but then one little last thing fluttered out
pretty and fragile;hope.She took a step back
and vowed to live another day.

LIFE ACCORDING TO THE ANCIENT GREEKS

Life According to the Ancient Greeks
Chaos. Earth.
Eros. Sky.Titans. Cyclops.
War. Patricide,
the King is dead
long live the King.A marriage. A prophecy.
A child. A meal.
A child. A meal.
A child. A meal.
A child. A meal.
A child. A meal.
A child. A saviour.Gods and Monsters.
Sister-wives and affairs.
Men with fire.
Kings walk the Earth again.

WHITE MARBLE

The beauty of sparkling white marble
with the sunlight shining on its features,
the elegant curves of handcrafted perfection.
Ivory and gold that freezes this moment in history,
bronze and silver that brings mythology to life;
a dusty relic,
an everlasting dedication from fickle mortals.His head forever turned just slightly to the left,
an easy smile forever on his lips
atop his chiselled jaw,
his marble cape frozen, blowing in the wind,
his hand forever outstretched,
his toga forever displaying only half
his celestial form;
forever denying art historians the rest,
we’re left forever guessing
the perfection of the gods.
Damn the piety of artists.

CUPID'S ARROW

Love’s arrow
strikes me right between my breast
where my heart beats rapidly,
Love’s elixir
forced down my throat
like bitter poison.
As milk soon curdles
my love soon turns to lust
Your beauty is a siren
I just can’t resist.You take flight
like a dove in the wind
but I’m a bird of prey
I too, fly, I give chase.
I follow you,
my aim rings true
like an arrow, I take deadly flight,
released from taut bow.
People sing of Her woes
but I was cursed too.
With Eros charm and arrow mark
I tried to seal Her fate with a kiss
She cried out and I cried too.
She was gone all too soon.

FLOWERS

All my lovers turn to flowers
I love them so sweetly but it soon turns sour
I water the earth with my tear drop showers
I water my lovers who turn to flowers.Hit by a discus and I was the thrower
the wind blew it off course by the wind god’s power
so I transformed him into a mayflower
All of my lovers turn to flowers.Struck by Cupid’s arrow, I became her follower
to the ends of the earth, I did follow her
content on the riverbank to sit on her laurels
All of my lovers turn to flowers.The poor boy’s deer was struck by his crossbow quarrel
I loved him dearly but he begged for tears eternal
he wanted to cry forever, so I turned him floral
All of my lovers turn to flowers.

SUN CHARIOT

Phaethon is driving the chariot.
The weather is bizarre;
the colds are cold
the hots are hot
and the earth is being scorched.Phaethon is driving the chariot,
maybe someone should intervene;
strike him down
the willows are weeping
return the earth to peace.

HELIOS' SON

Sad tears were wept
thunder and lightning across the heavens
I threw down my fiery reins
for the first time in years.
My son is dead
struck down by He Who Reigns
my heart it hurts, my heart is filled with pain.
My horses scattered all along the
unbeaten path of the wide open sky
Dawn and Moon, grief clear as day in their eyes.
A mother weeps, the woman I once loved,
I see her regret that she ever loved me
if not for godly origins her son would yet live on,
the irony of immortality.
His lover leaves his throne and crown
abhorring fire, he settles in the pond
never to entrust himself to mighty Jove
he learnt to fear the fires that took away his love.
His sisters sweep low and kneel on river banks
useless tributes they lament to Hades
woeful cries and lengthy branches
legs to stumps and tears to dripping amber
hearts hardened like a fly trapped
mother’s love soon turns to anger,
sisters’ tears to weeping willows
lover’s outstretched arms to fearful wings.

ZODIAC

It wasn’t Cretan bulls
and unholy coupling that I saw,
it wasn’t magic rams
with golden fleeces for the god of War,
it wasn’t a bear of the virgin goddess,
with bear son in tow.
When I looked into the sky
it wasn’t constellations that I spied,
it wasn’t gifts from the gods
or memorials of heroes long passed,
it wasn’t the Ursa Major
or Minor that I beheld,
it wasn’t giant balls of gas
a million miles from Earth,
it wasn’t sun and moon and sky that caught my eye
when I looked up
it wasn’t God’s fourth day gift
that twinkled down at me
it wasn’t Zoe Nightshade’s eyes winking back at me.
When I looked up and saw that light
I delighted in its sparkle
I look up and there are but few,
but a few is enough
to fill my heart with joy and wanderlust,
that is until I look up some more,
until I saw the glitter move
gracefully across the sky
like Charon across a sea of stars
that was the Milky Way
bringing my dreams to Hades.
It was not Bulls, or Rams, or Bears
it was not the star of day
it was not the sun god’s wingless chariot
streaking through the air
It was an aeroplane.

URSA MINOR

To all the boys I’ve crossed before
Huntress‘s son, hunter and boar
to those whose mother’s broken vows
led them to the Underworld
to those who stumbled and set eyes
upon my spring and turned to spies
who turned to bears, torn apart by jackals,
whose bright stars turn to shackles
to all the men who’ve ever crossed me
To all the men I’ve crossed before
I may have acted rashly.

DANDELION AND BONE

He spied a celestial beauty in the river reflection
and announced to the world
"I think I'm in love!"

I'm in love... in love... love...

and a nymph's heart broke.He went to hold that beauty
the perfection of the gods
but when he reached out
he rippled and faded
"Please, don't go!"

Please don't go... don't go... don't

So he waited and sat by the riverside
longing and waiting for love he asked the man in the river reflection
"Why don't you love me back?"

Don't you love me back... you love me...

He swooped down to embrace him
but he was gone without a trace
so he waited and lay there entranced
and she waited besides him;
the wind in his leaves,
the love he never sees,
to age and to rust
to turn to bone and to dust;
the constant whisper in the reeds
His quiet Echo in the wind.

FAIR ENOUGH

“Why would a man of his own free will go to work all day in the mine, in the mill? Why would he trade the sunshine, for a couple of nickels and dimes?” ~ Hadestown The Myth The MusicalWe threw dice for the universe
and Zeus got the sky above,
Poseidon got the oceans wide
and I got stuck in the afterlife,
how does that seem fair?Three hundred and sixty-five days in a year and I’m allowed home once,
cast out of paradise
now how does that seem fair to you?
In the underworld with the souls of the damned and the dead
but this underground prison won’t be the death of me.
That wouldn’t be fair.
If they don’t want me
I don’t want them
I don’t need them
(What you gonna do now?)
I’ll build a wall
to keep me free
of meddling messengers,
gods with winged feet.
Since Zeus became the Titan slayer
all I’ve ever known is how to hold my own
my wife, she leaves me,
children flee me
how does that seem fair?Zeus thinks himself a king?
I’ll be a king too,
“King of the Underworld” has a nice ring to it,
I suppose that’s fair enough.

HADES, MY DARKNESS

The dark prince
left dark prints
all on my skin,
marks all on my thighs.Crushed my heart like pomegranate seeds,
spit them out and hope to die
cross my heart
and cross my eyes
stay with me for eternity.

HEARTH

The oldest and the youngest,
the outcast and the favourite,
a hug before you leave
and the kiss goodnight in bed,
the pat on the back when you fall down
and the hand to help you up,
the shoulder you will lean on
when things get really tough,
the food when you are hungry
and the coat when you are cold,
the medicine to get better
and the blessing when you’re old,I am warmth and Love and Family,
Bonds and Friends and Heart
I’m Hestia ‘the Presence’
The god of Home and Hearth.

VENUS & ADONIS
(What Hope Have I?)

What hope have I
to win the hearts of men
when Love’s heart itself
is in need of mend?What hope have I
if even that perfect face
which causes War to marvel at Her grace
can’t win the war of hearts?What hope have I
if Beauty personified
weeps alone and in defeat
a flower in Her hair?What hope have I
if even She cannot impress
upon Her blushing cheek
cherry red sweet kiss?What hope have I
if Love is white with sorrow
and he red in the face from countless “No”s
even as Venus bends a knee to beg?What hope have I
if he sidesteps Cupid’s arrows
and causes Love’s heart to harrow,
to be long forgotten like wild boar?If Adonis will not fall in love
with the goddess from above
what hope have I?

STONE SANCTUARY

I leave her hard marble statue,
The chryselephantine glares after me
as I leave,
I leave her limestone Temple;
the people here now treat me worse than swine,
I leave her mud brick city made of marble,
its lifeblood has curdled into wine,it’s once warm buildings are cold and closed to me,
home and hearth is now rigid stone and lifeless marble.
Now my eyes are cold and unflinching,
I glare now too, like her.
Where I look I leave stone in my wake,
where I walk I leave the lifeless.I hiss as people go by
the glint of gold on a shield I spy
I left well alone but the ‘hero’ wanted me dead
and cut my heart from my head
It was supposed to be my sanctuary.

ATHENA'S GIFT

Athena’s owl eyes follow me from the temple
they turn my hair to snakes,
my eyes to stone
and even when the goddess has blamed the victim,
women find a way to praise her still.
No vow of chastity of mine was broken
my innocence was taken against my will;
Lord of Horses, god of Oceans
I am just a woman, who am I to say no?Call it curse or call it gift
fretting in my cave, it makes no difference
on my throne of rock and broken bone
heavy eyes turn men to stone.
Heavy eyes close for just a moment;
hero’s steps too quiet to hear
pitter patter like winged feet,
sword too quick to see
slash and separate neck from former beauty.How heartless can heartless Pallas be?
How can stony curse ever be called gift
when she helped hero hunt me down?
Don’t let her womanhood
pull stone and wool over your eyes,
goddess though she may be
a god is still a god
the gods have class solidarity,
they chose each other every time.

LION SKIN IS NOT LION HEART

Hercules wore the pants
and got the jobs
and went on quests for lots of money,
Hercules did the hard labour(s)
saved the day, every day
worked eight hours.The king gave Hercules thanks;
thanks for his strengths, for the cows and the mares and the hydra.
Such a good man, he brought home the boar and the bacon
but he had Hera and hell in his head.Hercules came back from the war
and stopped at the docks
for his hero’s welcome,
he has good stories in tow
but nobody knows that his fists
were Stymphalian crows at home.He came back from work to greet his wife
and she started at the sight of him.
Megara kisses her kids
and begged “gods have mercy”,
he tore them limb from limb.But now Omphale calls the shots
she wears the crown and she’s on everybody’s thoughts.
She wears the pants, and
on the tip of her tongue
is an order to be followed down to the T.Omphale owns her own house,
she goes to work whilst Hercules stays at home.
He does the chores
dressed in a dress, while
she’s wearing his lion skin work vest.
He has a duster in hand and she has a club,
while he’s home with the kids, she’s off at the pub.

TWELVE LABOURS

Who wears the pants?
Who carries the club?
Who stays at home?
And who has the job?
Who is the hero?
And who is the queen?
Who gets the ring?
And who’s down on one knee?
Who’s with the kids?
And who did the dishes?
Who’s whistling like a wolf?
And who has to just take it?

TOO CLOSE (DAEDALUS)

Student becomes master
and all of Athens revels in his skill
looking for someone to replace me
and I am old and grey.Push him from the window
a dark voice whispers
a demon on my shoulder
my jealousy brought to life.He falls and I want to catch him
but he’s caught up to me,
Surpassed me, usurped me.
All of Athens comes for me.Damn the heifer-loving Queen
Damn the bull-hating King
Damn heroic Theseus
And damn his abandoned love and my ball of yarn.Escape through the skies
son by my side, sun in my eyes
The crashing of waves,
the crashing of my legacy
Another boy out a window
You’re too close to my son,
too close to the sun
too close to me.

LOVE ME LIKE THEY DO IN THEBES

Saying I’d die for you isn’t enough
so I’ll say instead
I’d suffer as a lion for you.
I’d lose a war at Troy,
I would never dare to meet you
if it meant you lived for just one more day
if it meant I hadn’t killed you.
I’d start a ten-year war
if you only ran away with me
you’d never be afraid with me.
I’d descend into the throws of death for you,
sing to Hades and to hell for you,
move stone with a lute
and move hearts with a lyre,
I’d lie for you!
I’d kill for you,
hold a city under siege for you,
storm Olympus and kill any god who looked twice at you
yes, I’d even blaspheme for you.
I’d break every law of man
and every law of god.
I’d love you like they do in Thebes
if you were Jocasta and I Oedipus
I’d stay with you,
cradle your body in death
I’d lose my sight if I couldn’t see you.
I’d kill my own brother just to be with you,
chop him up into tiny pieces,
run away from my father, I’d flee with you,
defeat a dragon, raise an army of the dead,
I’d end a royal line, I’d end my own line
if you said you couldn’t be with me.
I’d kill men, women and children,
entire armies and every monster on the face of the earth,
hydras and manticores couldn’t hold me back
wild boars and flying pigs couldn’t keep me away from you.
I love you like a lung loves oxygen
and the vein loves blood,
I need you like the tides need to the moon
and the moon needs the sun,
you are the sun.
I’d fight the sun, I’d steal his chariot for you
I’d fall from the sky if it amused you
I’d fall on my sword just to make you laugh
I’d chase you for eternity
and hold you for even longer when I caught you
I’d twist myself into a laurel crown of thorns
and dig into your head.
Saying I’d live for you isn’t enough.
Saying I’d die for you isn’t enough.

PETTY QUEEN

Hera was a jealous Queen
A very overzealous Queen
A kill her husband’s mistress Queen
A destroy entire cities Queen
A Beauty Queen, a snooty Queen
A throw her baby off a cliff type Queen
Sees through all her husbands **** type QueenA cuckold Queen
A tyrant Queen
A drop a snake
in a baby bassinet kind of Queen
A start a war
over sex type of Queen
A kill a city
out of jest type Queen
She’s a tricky Queen, a pretty QueenBut mostly just a Petty Queen.

GIFT HORSE

I fear Greeks when they bring war to my shore
I fear Greeks when the walls start to fall
I fear Greeks when they kill the son in front of the father
I fear Greeks when they kill the father at the altar
I fear Greeks when war engulfs us all.
I fear Greeks even when they’re bearing gifts
I didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth
my city burned for it

THE SONG OF ACHILLES

I sing of arms and men.
No,
not of wars and soldiers fighting on the shores of Latium.
I sing of childhood crushes turned to fiery love
And star-crossed boys who cross their hearts to stay together,
under threat of sword and guard each other’s hearts
with spears and shields;
whose ten years quest comes between them still
even in the quiet of their tent;
who’s pride will be their fall
when he puts pride above their walls,
and his promise to protect the love that they hold dear
is broken in an instant, when sword and armour fail.His heart wrenched from his chest
a spear within his side
a river at his feet
an empty prize
his lover good as dead
his ego black and blue
a body in his arms
I sing of arms and men.

SIREN

A siren song so sweet
I can not resist
the calming waves
that lap up on the boat side
I need to be there
I need to be with her
Her voice,
it calls me home to Ithaca.
I see her working at her loom
I'm coming home to Ithaca
please just wait for me
I'll be back before too long.

HELEN OF DEVESTATION

Held against my will high in a tower
from the wall I see Archean power
I look for my brothers, I do not see them
they must be ashamed of their sister.
I do not know that they are dead.I blame myself
for being stolen from my husband
stolen from my home
I blame that coward Paris
and that wretched goddess Aphrodite.All I am is noble white-armed Helen.
All I am is the whore princess of Sparta.
I’m a victim in all of this,
kidnapped.
but it is not my husband’s bed that I sleep in now
so I am to blame
I hear the whispers of the old men of Troy
they want to send me back
but not for my sake,
they feel sorry for me, yes,
but I am to blame.
My beauty is to blame.
My beauty drives men mad,
drives men to war,
drives men to fight and to die.I am not a person anymore.
I am a face
the face that launched "a thousand ships".
I am not of Sparta anymore
I am Helen of Troy
I am not his wife anymore
I am not myself anymore
it’s been too long.
It’s been ten years.Ten years for a girl
Ten years for a goddess
Ten years for an apple.

CLYTEMNESTRA

My daughter’s getting married today
at least that’s what her father says
he sent for her with love
her husband will be a child of a god
their marriage will be blessed from above.I kiss her on the forehead,
push her onto the boat myself,
tell her to be good to him,
wave as she’s set afloat.I wait for news of the wedding and for a while nothing comes
And then I hear the real news,
the trick I had succumbed to.
There were no nuptials,
There was no wedding to be had
There was no bride and groom
There was no Hera smiling down from above.They’d angered a goddess, I later found out,
They needed a pure maiden to appease her
they needed the winds to lift their sails
like the wind lifted the bees.
My daughter was so sweet
but still he stung me.
They needed a sacrifice,
a pawn they could use,
with a heavy heart like a lamb to the slaughter
My husband made a sacrifice of my daughter.

ELECTRA

I may be your daughter
but come hell or high water
I’ll take my revengefor my brother and father,
for my kingdom and king,
for me. I will not kiss the ring.

ROME

ALL ROADS LEAD TO...

Mortals walk
where gods once strode
and tourists toddle
where armies marched.
Now we walk the sacred ways,
the mystical hills of Rome
where Empires without end
rose and fell and rose again.

REMUS

Rome was not built in a day,
nor was it built on seven hills.
Rome was built on the blood of brothers spilt by brothers,
of boys born of wolves and raised as wolves:
who flocked with criminals and runaways,
a pack of thieves to found the ancient city.
Rome was marred by fratricide,
obsessed with civil conflict
doomed to repeat past mistakes,
doomed to play it out again
and again in different forms:
Aeneas and Turnus
Romulus and Remus
Caesar and Pompey
Augustus and Antony
Roman blood spills Roman blood
spills Roman blood spills Roman blood
a city born, an empire built.
All of it built on lies.

CLEOPATRA

Rome likes to pretend that I was the downfall of good Roman men, that I had them condemned; they like to pretend that I trapped with magic tricks, that I ensnared with just a kiss, with a hit of liquid bliss.
Horace writes about my powers of seduction;
Propertius writes how I hypnotise my victims;
Augustus tells all about my coy smiles and sly winks, like the Cheshire Cat, my painted lips, he seems to forget that his father's fallen for the same tricks.The mighty Caesar, in my bed, between my legs, brought to his knees in one fell swoop and suddenly he is Gaul and I am Caesar, dominating absolutely.
It’s not my fault if men are weak, if men fall helplessly in love with me.
I’m not a deadly maneater
I’m not a lethal siren call
I’m not a femme fatale leading good men to their Roman doom
I’m not a king, I’m not the senate,
this is my kingdom, I’m its Empress
I do what I must to protect it.

MATRONA

Good Roman wives to bad Roman husbands
loyal and caring and quiet,
they stay out of the way
when politics is in play
and they stay silent
when he’s out with his other girl.
She does not leave when Caesar’s Egyptian whore
comes parading in with their son.
She cannot leave when Mark Antony
gives Rome on a plate
to his bigamous wife.
No one bats an eye or raises a brow
at poetic, vulgar Catullus’ lines
nor their husbands’ lies
nor the money missing
nor the missing wine
nor the girl who seems to know a man
just as well as his wife.

NATURE

SUMMER

Bees on a dandelion
Bare feet at the beach
Water fights and lemonade
Ice lollies and more ice
Short shorts and crop tops
Air con turned right up
Windows open, fan in hand
But it’s still boiling hot.
Sun shines on shine my window
Hits me and I’m shining golden
Perfect weather for perfect photos
Memories I’ll cherish forever.

SPRING

Daffodils leaning over puddles
made by April showers.
Bluebells ringing in the wind
Redbreast robins hope from bench to bench
Blue tits wash themselves in puddles
Pollen fills the air like a cloud of hazy smoke
Yellow hatchlings small and fluffy
Newborn lambs white as snow
Winter’s done and summer’s coming
This is a time of becoming.

CLOUD NINE

Storm
They weigh tonnes but they float above us
and when they clash
thunder and lightning reign supreme
winds blow and seas rage
ships tossed and turned around
trees are knocked onto the ground
Shutters shake and papers flee
Bags fly and skirted women squee
there’s no regard for if you’re scared
or if you’re sleeping, they don’t care
and work starts early, you need to be there
The storm it rumbles on.Warm
And yet the clouds, they keep us warm
on cold days they keep heat in
like blankets laid across the earth.
And when it’s dry they send down rain
they water plants to grow again
and lead us to a well to drink.Cold
And when it’s cold they spit out snow
(or hail or sleet or slush oh no)
but if it stays and if it settles
no more school to get us rattled
and war with friends in snow ball battles
slide down mountains, build up men
give him a scarf so he won’t freeze to death.Sunny
But when there’s sun, they’ll disappear
allow the sun to shine on us
and keep the light from blinding us
(or tanning us or burning us)
and when it gets too hot
that we just can’t stand
the clouds are there to shelter us.Angry
And when they’re angry,
they’ll let you know
but they’re the only thing I’ve ever known
so when the rain showers at the worst of times
and I’m at the bus stop umbrella-less
when my books get wet and
my hair gets wrecked
when my makeup runs
and my feet get soaked
I won’t curse the skies
because they give me hope.

RENEW

Winter to Spring to Summer to Fall
to Winter again,
spinning on our imperfect axis,
a cycle of renewal,
day in and day out
the world dies and comes back to life,
winter, spring, summer, fall
and winter again.

THIS IS HOW THE LIGHT REACHES ME

When I hit rock bottom, I wasn’t buried
I was planted and like a sunflower
I’ll bloom bright,
raise my head up high to greet the sun,
turn away from shadow like a turnsole
and anything that overshadows me.
I’ll be a sunflower in a field of roses;
their thorns won’t choke me
even as they cut me down before my time
and place me in a vase to die,
the very flower they called beautiful;
even on my darkest days
I’ll stand tall to greet the sun
I’ll look up to meet the sky,
this is how the light reaches me
beam by broken beam.
You are my sunshine,
the only light worth letting in,
the one that lets me know
that I don’t have to be a rose.

STARS

One day there will come a time
where stars don’t shine in the sky.
Children will look out into the night
and they’ll see the glittering of city lights.
Those bright lights;
those red and blue flashes
racing to someone’s worst day of their life,
those flickering street lamps lighting the way home,
those office buildings where nobodies working
and those monuments
that demand you look at them
that keep the lights on all night long
burning the midnight oil on both ends.
Those artificial lights will be their stars.

TWINKLE

Stars twinkle in the sky
seemingly close by
but they're millions of miles away.
Seemingly immortal
always to remain.
Seemingly forever
and yet when endless time goes by
they're seemingly disappearing
a cloud goes by
and I can no longer see them.Day breaks and they vanish into the ether
night comes and my breath is stolen.
I can not see the stars
I can not see the stars

VEIW FROM THE TOP

I know what the sky looks like
looking down
I know the view from the top.
The clouds are rough and bumpy
like a mountain in the sky
from where the wind has blown
across the top and ridged it,
yet it looks soft like cotton.
Even in the middle of a storm it looks so calm.I know what the sky looks like
without a cloud in sight;
it’s vast and blue and empty
sad and lonely
with not another soul in flight.
I know what the sky looks like
when I’m level with the moon,
a midday half-crescent winks at me,
reminds me that there’s still
so many places I could go.I know what the sky looks like
when there’s no sun to be seen;
white clouds glittering as droplets
reflect sun beams back into my eyes
my eyes sparkling as I witness
the baby blue of the clouds tinge
pink and purple and orange
the sky lights up with colours
as the sun sets to the west
putting the world to rest.I know what it looks like at the horizon
when the sea of clouds
meets the sky
the view from the top.

ODE TO MARK WATNEY

One small step
and one giant leap
all it takes is one small dream;A glimpse of Han and Luke and Leia,
a bit of Spock, Picard and Data,
a spot of Starlord and his ragtag guardians
a dash of Jedi and the space magicians.
All it takes is Elon Musk
to tell us Mars is ‘a must’
and Interstellar makes it better
but I hope the earth stays wetter.Space botany is enough to inspire
an entire global superpower
Mars, the Moon, the ISS
we’re heading out there
now we decide if it’s Wars or Treks.

SOCIAL JUSTICE

THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS

You claim your second amendment rights
are more important than those 17 lives
their right to live
and the 400+ lives since Sandy Hook too 28 too soon.Thoughts and prayers mean nothing
if you don’t do anything.
Prayers without actions are lies told to yourself
heard by no one, not even God,
amounting to nothing.Prayers without action
is hate without love
dark without light
lost without found
It’s nothing
it’s less than nothing
it’s knowing something is wrong
and doing nothing to stop it.
It’s sickening,
we scream into the void and it’s deafening
our screams fall on deaf ears
and it keeps continuing
an endless cycle of shootings
and “it’s too soon”ings
and “don’t politicise death”ings
and outrage felt by the masses
and parents mourning
and tweets saying ‘thoughts and prayers’
and maybe they are praying
but people keep telling them
that thoughts and prayers mean nothing
because it means nothing.
Another mass shooting rolls around
the exact same thing happens.
Nothing.

#OURGENERATION

Being too young
but not young enough
too old and yet not grown up
being told to be responsible
but treated like a child
not trusted and then to trust.

SMILE

Smile when you are walking
Smile when you are talkingSmile at your boss
Smile when you flossSmile when you are sad
Smile in an adSmile when you are fighting
Smile when you are cryingSmile when you are raging
Smile when you are breakingSmile even when your heart hurts
Smile until your cheeks burnSmile when I whistle
Smile like a wolfSmile because you’re pretty
Smile because you’d be prettierSmile because I said so
Smile and don’t say no.

HEARTBREAKER

“You’re going to break some hearts someday.”
That’s not what you’re supposed to say,
my heart’s been broken once before
I don’t want to do that too.
I don’t want to break a heart,
leave them crying in the dirt,
break a leg and break a heart
I don’t want someone getting hurt.

SHEEP'S CLOTHING

A lion laying down with lambs
is just as bad for ewe
as a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

ABLAZE

The world is always set ablaze,
the world is always burning
so be the firefighter set to save
our world that’s always turning.
We pour water on the wife,
They made it a furnace,
We try to renew the earth
They grasp to the past with earnest.

THEY WALK IN BEAUTY

She has brown hair
although it’s so dark it looks black,
Black like the night.
Her eyes are chocolate brown
and they sparkle with mirth.
Her skin is dark and her cheeks shine.
Her lips are so dark
that you would have sworn she kissed a black currant.
She is one of contradicting characteristics
that complement each other perfectly.
As opposite as night and day
and yet one is necessary for both to shine.
She is a creature of grace
and poise
and elegance
never flustered.She has blonde hair
although it’s so bright it looks golden,
Golden like the sun.
Her eyes are ocean blue
and they twinkle with glee.
Her skin is pale but her cheeks are rosy
and her lips are so red
you would have sworn she kissed a strawberry.
She is one of contrasting characteristics
that commend each other impeccably.
As opposite as day and night
and yet one does not exist without the other.
She is a creature of charm
and dignity
and eloquence,
always aplomb.

INTERESTING TIMES

Strange times
Hard times
Dictators dead
Epidemics spread
Lock downs
Stock’s down
Inject the sun into my soul
Pay me money to buy your oil
A shared sickness, cabin fever
Marching in the streets from the non-believers
How many more “once in a lifetime”s?
We live in interesting times
May we live in interesting times.

SAY THEIR NAMES

His only wrong was that he believed the promise, the promise America had given him, that he was free now.
His only crime to believe Justice was blind and that the badge would not see his melanin anymore.
He flew too close to the sun, struck down too soon by wrathful powers, his brothers and sisters march down the riverbank, planting themselves like a tree until someone hears their laments and take heed.
Until someone hears their cries of sorrow just like he cried out for a mother who had long since passed, a mother holding out her hand to bring him home
a swan retuning to his lake
a movement left behind in his wake.

MOVEMENT/MOMENT

“This is not a moment, it's the movement” ~ Hamilton The American Musical9 minutes is too long to die
46 too young,
1 man kneels on his neck
3 cowards watch on.
17 year old is too young to film
the last 9 minutes of a life.
A moment of silence around the world
not a moment, a movement around the world.
A collection shouting as a collective
marching the same road
asking for 1 think.
Justice.

SOCIAL CONTRACT

We signed a contract.
You enforce the law,
I follow it.
I guess I should have read the small print,
Nowhere does it seem to say you have to follow it too.
We don’t work under the same rules anymore.
I don’t work under your rules anymore.
You threw the book at me, hard, you added notes in the margin,
dog ears and folded pages
pen marks, sprinkles and coffee stains
so I threw the book away.
The contract is no longer binding
I signed when I was underaged.

BEAUTIFUL DESTRUCTION

Those walls were built by slaves.
That building, that monument.
That monument to their masters
and the plaque with his name
immortalised forever on his grave
what about the graves he filled with slaves?
I pass by and look up everyday
and see him and laud like a hero
they see him as a hero
they want me to see him as a hero.
a man who saw my people
As less than zero.
That statue, those walls
They all fall down.

THIS IS...

Sometimes it’s
easier to
knock it
all down
and start again
rather than
get by with
patchwork
repairs.

...AMERICA

When it’s
falling down,
it’s easy to
blame the ones
who knocked
it over
instead of
blaming its
weak foundation.

PERFECT DECAY

They speak words
But all I hear is silence and inaction,
I saw a glimpse of Eden
when they opened their mouths but
all the conversations of Change
died on their lips,
I thought I understood
and I fell in love with
the dream of America
but when Cupid’s arrow stuck
all I saw was a world in self destruct.
A perfectly decaying system
built on imperfectly built people.

REVOLUTION

Your light
your life
your fight
Your love
Your hate
Your words
Your steps
Your art
Your destruction
Your anger
Your joy
That's the revolution.

HIGHWAY TO HELL

There's a stariway to heaven
because perfections is so far
out of our reach,
but there's a highway to hell.

ME

FRIENDS

We were never really friends
you were just an easy way
to keep loneliness at bay.

ACT YOUR AGE

Watch your cartoons
reread books from my childhood.
Gush about my favourite movie
obsess about continuity.
Read comics and
ask dumb questions about life.
Stand on my tippy toes
and kiss you on the nose
to make you feel alright.

ROSE TINT

You always look sad to me in pictures
because even though you're smiling,
your smile never quite reaches your eyes
and everyone else ignores it
because of those rose-tinted filters
covering your features.

SILENCE

My silence is deafening
it's filled with all my insincere "I'm sorry"s
and all my heartfelt "I love you"s
and all the times I walked away
and broke your heart
knowing that it would break your heart
just because I could.

I'M SORRY I

I don't apologise
for things I'm not sorry for
and I'm sorry for that.

HOW DID IT END UP LIKE THIS?

Fin

You're brave after a shot,
trading spine for liquid courage
and outgoingness for liquid luck
and that's a dangerous thing
because how do you talk to them
when the vodka's gone
and the music's stopped
and Mr Brightside has played for the last time?

i miss you

How can I say I miss you
when I'm the one who left?
I ignored your calls
and left your texts unread,
I 'didn't hear' the knock at my door,
I 'forgot' the soft inquiries
of our mutual friends,
How can I say I miss you
when I push you away?
I shouldn't say I miss you
but I miss you everyday.

CONVERSATIONS

I hate conversations
about anything deeper than a paper bag.
I hate anyone
getting involved in things that to them are of no concern.
I hate advice
because you think I don't know what I'm doing.
I hate discussions
because it either turns to debate or to ruin.
I hate important things
so I put it off until the very last minute.
I hate ridicule
but the longer I leave it
the more I look like a fool.

BORING

I find families boring
your family, mine,
their days and their lives and their dramas.I find friends boring
your friends, mine,
their works and their deeds and their stories.I find adults boring
you, me,
our favourite hobs and our tiring jobs and your top theatre show.I find children boring
your children, mine,
their games and their art and their whining.I find conversations boring
all talk and talk and talk about boring people and boring places and boring lives.I find myself boring
I'm no hypocrite,
I don't think myself more interesting than the rest of you non-entities.

SUPERFLUOUS

You have long speeches,
ranting and raving,
a lengthy harangue
like you're a preacher
and this is your homily;
you go on for days,
tirade upon tirade
a full diatribe, waxing lyrical
about subjects that could be over
in one fell swoop
but instead go on for decades,
reams of paper would be taken up
by your speech if you wrote it down
it would take eons to complete
I could have fallen asleep
and woken up and gone back to sleep
a thousand times before
you had gotten half way
and by the time you're done
you've drained me of my everything.I speak so little,
that I don't even tell you
that you're being superfluous.

I'M SORRY II

I'm sorry I ruined your birthday,
And I'm sorry I never say “hey”
when I come into the house.I'm sorry I never tell you anything
And I'm sorry I never want to.
I'm sorry when you walk into the house,
I make an effort to walk away from you.
I'm sorry I don't say “Love you” when I say “Goodbye”,
I'm sorry when you say “Love you”, I just say “You too.”I'm sorry I make you lecture yourself into passive silence
I'm sorry that the mere thought of your voice
gives me a headache.
I'm sorry I never speak to you.
I'm sorry you never speak to me.
I'm sorry we never speak to each other.I'm sorry you can't just stop being so mysterious and tell me what you're feeling
I'm sorry you hold it all in until you get annoyed and blow up at us for not knowing
I'm sorry I don't read minds, apparently I'm not Professor X.I'm sorry I never do what you say
I'm sorry I never tell you what I do
But when I try to all that goes through
my head, is all the reasons you'd say no.I'm sorry that when you're angry at me you never tell me what the hell you're angry about when I ask.
I'm sorry that I never give you reasons for anything and then yell at me even though I got that from you.
I'm sorry I seem to hate you as much as you hate your mother.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.I'm sorry I'm only apologising to you so that you'll let me go to my party tomorrow.
I'm sorry I don't mean this apology.
I'm sorry likely, nothing will change.
I'm sorry that in a week or a month or a year we'll be right back here,
me ignoring you and you ignoring me and dad and sister and brother forced to mediate
Getting dragged into the mud with their own micro-aggression born from residual anger from us.

WASTED TIME

I've done nothing today
and it made me realise
I've done nothing my whole life.It's all just been a waste of time.

PROCRASTINATE

I am tired because I never sleep
I never sleep because I have things to do
I have things to do because I didn’t do them before
I didn’t do them before because I was tired
I am tired because I never sleep.

LOST BUNNY

Safe and sound in the arms of my little girl
hand fed, food guaranteed
my little girl would hug me, love me
pull me close when it was cold
I'd cuddle closer when she let me go
She'd keep me warm and in my little pen
until one day safe and sound
felt more like suffocation.
My little pen, safe and warm became a little pen just too small
I wanted to see more.So down the rabbit hole,
more I went to see
eat me, drink me.
My little girl when looked for me
I was out there, roaming free
just another little lost bunny.
First it was fun, new sights to see
but the big wide world was new to me
foxes tracked me day and night
bared their fangs, hid from headlights.
I was lost and I was scared
but some time passed in the middle of nowhere
She was late and I was Alice
the big wide world was the Heart Queen's palace
my little girl went snicker-snacking
on every little door
She braved the world too and raised her sword,
flyers, teacups, pictures and tophats
until finally, my little girl found her lost bunny
a lost little girl no more.

GOOD

I'm not a good friend
I'm not a good shoulder
I'm not a good sister
I'm not a good daughter
I'm not a good stranger
I'm not a good helper
I'm not a good person
I'm not a good soldier.

GLASS HALF

I am a glass half empty
because you emptied me
of all that I am.You are a glass half full
because you were empty and
I emptied everything I was
into you.

INERTIA

Moving forward didn't kill methe inertia when we stopped though,that hurt like hell.

FIREBALL

Fireball Whiskey and cinnamon shots
Sourz Apple down the hatch
chug a double vodka coke
dance with a girl,
maybe some blokes
That's what I really want!
Hugging a friend
kissing a stranger
meeting a cute girl from tinder
browsing a shop that isn't shut
dancing in the club!Not going to bed at 10 PM
Eating alone in a group of 6
Wearing a mask
Keeping 6 feet apart
sitting outside rain or shine
sitting I'm so bored inside.
I'm getting good at bananagrams
I've got nothing to post on instagram
I've been to the park like a million times
I've walked every street within a few milesI want to get in a club and dance
I want to drink until I collapse!

CHAOS

My mind is the world in its first form,
final form
current form.
My inner voice is
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I wish I could scream into the void
nothing is where it should be
the things that were, aren't
I'm stuck in a tiny floating lidless jar
but the lid is pressed on firm
and I'm running out of air
tear drop seas are rushing in
real and Wonderland blur into one
where do I stop and the infinite universes begin?
Is there a universe when I close my eyes?
Does the world still spin if I'm not in it?

PERSON

I'm no one's favourite person
I've never been anyone's favourite person
I worry I'll never be anyone's favourite person.I want to be someone's favourite person
I want to be anyone's favourite person
I want my favourite person to want me.

BRIDGE

There's a strange disconnect between me and everybody else.
I can't bridge the gap with feelings
but words go-between
so I never stop speaking
hoping to fill the silence
hoping to quiet the quiet
hoping to build a bridge over it
so I won't sink in the silence.

SANDS

When there was only one set of footprints
those were the times that He carried me
but why was He only there
when I was strolling along the beach?

SOMEONE ELSE'S EYES

The things that made me happy
once upon a time,
the stories I'd been reading,
the poems with their rhymes,
the things that made life worth living
are no longer in my life.The disguise I wear is slipping;
my masks are all just lies
I wake up and step outside
and it's like the life I have been living
is someone else's life,
it's like looking in a mirror
through someone else's eyes.

DAY OFF

I didn’t want to go so much
I made myself sick,
and when I came in the next day
my friends said, “you were missed!”
but even when I’m there and present
I feel like I am absent,
I’m in the background,
and no one cares.
I try to talk
but I get aired.
No one chose me
above all others,
no one picked me
against all odds.
I’m sad but I don’t cry
I ball it up inside
I don’t burden others with my problems
I’m tired but I don’t sleep.
I'm not trying so I don't succeed.

GRANDMA

I feel cold in your embrace,
your smile does not reach you face;
your eyes are cold,
your stare is distant,
our relationship is non-existant.You never approve of anyone's choices,
at home are are cold, at church she rejoices,
you weren't around when my brother was born,
blacklisted your sister; a family at war,
you refused to see my mother wed,
when family die, to you they're already dead,
barred your sons from my mother's nuptials
you have not been a mother since my mother suckled.

BE

Do you remember
what it's like
to just be?

OVER

Shall I hide myself away
from anything troubling me?
Shall I seek to find a way
out of the mess I'm in?
Shall I search high and low
to avoid the final blow?
Shall I brandish what I've got
don't throw away my shot
so that nothing dims my glow
so that nothing ends the show.
It's not over till it's over.
Nothing's really over till it's over.

PINOCCHIO

I don't want the last one
That's fair enough
It's all good
I'm over it
Nothing to worry about
It's fine
That's really nice
I'm okay

WALLS

Build you walls up high
In the end it doesn't matter
Walls
They all fall down

LAST I

Most people don't wake up
thinking today will be their last
but the truth is
I could go at any time.

LAST II

If I lived every day
like it was my last
I'd be depressed.

HAPPY

All my happiness
comes from things
outside of
myself.

GOOD

Being
good
never
meant
not
being
broken.

PERFECT

Perfect Strangers
Perfects words
On perfect papers
Imperfect thoughts

THE POET THE POEM

I write down what I won't say aloud
I share my feelings with this crowd
Perfect strangers know my deepest thoughts
But I don't even tell my closest cohorts

FORGE

Families aren't born
they're made.
They're forged in a trial by fire
called life, the sword we wield
in our darkest times.

WARM

Sometimes I hate her
with the fury of a thousand burning suns
and sometimes I just want her to hold me
and keep me warm.

ANYMORE

We don't talk anymore.Yeah, that's the point.

AM I A PERSON

Do I have a personality?
Or am I just an amalgamation;
the best and worst parts of every character I've ever seen and read
of every person I have ever met
of my family and my friends alike
of people I have met online
of that bad ass from that movie
and the cool girl from that book
from the dude in that TV show
and the singer with that hook.Am I even my own person
or am I just everyone else?
Is that what it means to be a person?
Am I even a person?

I'M REAL

I have a persona with my friends
and act with my boss
I have a façade with my family
a mask with strangers.*How do I know the you when
you're with me is the real you?You don't.Well then,
I guess I'll just have to trust you
I'll never really know you and
you'll never really know me.
And that's ok.

AGAIN

When at first
you don't succeed
you try, and try againbut I've been left behind
too many times
to try and start again.

BREATH

It wasn't a panic attack
I could breathe.
"I can breath"
But I'm scared
and I'm crying
I never cry.

HOME

Home is where
your bladder knows it's safe to pee

LOVE

ROMEO

~ Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet, Ovid's Metamorphoses

I'll be your Juliet
I'll be your Echo
I'll be your Daphne
if you'll be my ApolloI'll be your one and only,
I'll be your everything,
I'll be your star crossed lover
and your starsand you'll break my heart.

PHAINETAI MOI

~ Sappho 31, Catullus 51
She seems like the goddesses' equal,
better than the goddesses
(if it's not blasphemous to say),
who sits so close across from me
as I listen to her lilting laughter.
The sound wafts through the air
and reaches long awaiting ears
it sets my heart aflutter in my chest.
When I look upon you, I am struck dumb
I don't know where my voice has gone
my tongue is numb,
my cheeks go red,
my blood thrums loudly in my head
I cannot hear, I close my eyes,
twin lights are covered by twin nights.
My skin, it tingles, feeling's lamented,
on her scent I'm suffocated.
My senses are lost and all my wits departed.
This feeling will be the death of me,
just as Love has levelled prosperous cities
and Love too has killed mighty kings.

SWEET WITH HONEY

~ Catullus 48
Your eyes sweet as honey and lips like candy,
I’d kiss you to the ends of the earth if you let me;
One thousand, two thousand, eight.
No number would ever be too much,
not even if the crop of our kisses
grew greater than my love for you
and the breadth and width and height of my feelings
soared higher than the midday sun
shining over the harvest fields.

YOU BURN ME

~ Sappho Fragment 38
you burn me
your lips burn me where they touch my neck
your tongue burns my mouth when you lick
your fingers burn when you grip my hips
your skins burns where it's against my skin
the burn of rum slipping down my tongue
the inner burn that consumes me whole
I'm on fire and yet I'm soaked
I'm on fire
You Burn Me.

SAPPHO + FIRE

~ Sappho 31, Sappho fragments on Love and Desire
YOU BURN ME
i want to burn
YOU SET ME ON FIRE
licking at my skin like flames
** I DESIRE AND I CRAVE**
i want you, i need you
FIRE UNDER THE SKIN
it is sex then
THROUGH MY FLESH TINGLING FIRE
that ignites the complexion
YOU COOLED MY MIND THAT BURNED WITH LONGING
creating its rosy blush

REINS OF MY SOUL

~ Anacreon 360
You pull taut my heartstrings
and play them like a violin
sew shut my mouth with ease.
One look
and I'm yours.
One word
and I'm under your control,
you hold the reins to my soul.
Girl with the boyish glance
you do not know that you have me
but you do, I am yours.

MISERY

I thank the gods for my misery
and for my eternal torment,
for my Sisyphus boulder, the wings on my shoulders
as I fall into the depths of the sea.I thank the gods for my misery,
the fruit that's just out of reach
for though she'll never be mine
the very sight is divine
and I get to follow where she leads.I thank the gods for my misery
I'd never be happy with love.
Pining is my nature
heartsick my natural state
and if she loved me
I'd never feel loved.I thank the gods for my misery
She's fresh air and sunshine
She's flowers in her hair
and a rose-tinted stare
and cherry red lipgloss nowhere near my cheek.
She's perfect and I like her perfect,
she's perfect because she's over there
and I'm over here
A distance is needed
to maintain the dream
so I thank the gods for my misery.

UNEXPECTED MIRACLES

Miracles don't always have to be
resurrections and walking on water,
Miracles can be the little things.
Her hand brushing against mine,
The way she smiles at me in the sun,
Her laugh flitting in the breeze,
My head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat,
Her voice when she says she loves me.
Little unexpected miracles.

SOULMATE AU

Your name is written on my heart
and on my skin, it's yours
it always was.I reached out to touch you
and for the first time I saw colour.
My world had been so greynow there's no more black
and there's no more white
our minds melded and our souls metand two halves became a whole.

ENTANGLED

Atoms never touch each other
and we are made of atoms
so I have never held your hand
and our lips have never truly touched
but when you fell in love with me
I fell in love with you two atoms
on opposite sides of the universe
quantumally entangled.

SHE, THE SUN

In cloudless climes and starry skies
the Moon waits patiently all night
and as the night sky melts away
the Moon waits patiently all day
waiting for the stars to twinkle and flitter
to catch the Sun for just a flicker.
the Moon fades too but She tries to holdfast
fighting the light with Her last gasps
trying to wait for the Sun to rise
trying to see Her through the horizons
but the Sun sets and the Moon's fight is over
like a pirate ship and a sea rover
two passing ships in the night,
two celestial bodies in the sky.

I SWEAR

anyone, everyone

i swear id love you if i could
id miss you if i missed anyone
id hold you if i let anyone that close
id love you if i were able
id love you if i could find it within myself
id love you if i loved anyone

CONFESSION

A hurried,
hidden,
nameless
confession
buried deep in the
darkness, in the under
belly, on the back of
every piece of art and
in every word of poetry I write
and in every unrequited love story
and failure to just tell the truth
that I read and
sympathise with.I love you
I've always loved you
It's only ever been you.

GIRL THROUGH THE WINDOW

Chloe

Girl through the window
you smile through the glass
Girl through the window
you cover your face when you laugh
Girl through the window
there’s a twinkle in your eye
and a sparkle on your cheeks
and a glimmer in your aspect
magnified by the looking glass.Girl in the window
please turn around
Girl in the window
smile down at me
Girl in the window
I turned away for just one moment
Girl through the window
you’re gone,
how will I ever find you again?

HUMMUS

Amelia

She likes hummus and hugs,
learning about things long passed,
ballet and Latin;
she speaks romance into existence,
she smiles the sun into winter
and warms me to my core.

WHY WON’T YOU BE MINE

Kira

We message through the night
some nights.
We don’t talk for days.
Back and forth for hours and hours.
Silence for an age.
Tell me about the book you wrote
I’ll tell you about mine
paint me word-pictures of the angels
place them in my mind’s eye.
You like all the things I like;
books and myths and wine,
cringey fanfiction and anime.
So why can’t you be mine?

DRESS

Max

I'm dressed like this
so you come to talk to me
and what a riveting conversationalist you are
introduce yourself, call me pretty
you're easy on the eyes
I might give you some time.
I came here with my friends
to dance, not to pull
You clearly only had one goal in mind
you'd set your sights on me
your hand on the small of my back
you're warm,
I want something warm by my side
I'm flattered
but like I said I'm here to dance.
The verse of this song isn't even over yet
I'd dance with you if you asked
our bodies moving together
warm, hot
like a PG precursor
staring into your eyes through my lashes
staring at your lips when you smile
I might have gone with you,
back to your room,
when you asked
but you asked not 2 minutes after the conversation's start
and I've just met you in the elevator
and I'm not about to leave the dance floor
for some drunk guy I don't know
who has me majorly perplexed
and some mediocre drunk...

I NEVER NOTICED

Bailey

I never noticed the way you light up when you sing
and the way you raise your hand
to hit the high notes
and when you play with your red curls.I never noticed how you melt into a hug
and how you grip me tight
and put all the pieces back together.I never noticed how you cut your hair unevenly
and the way you run your fingers through your fringe
and the way your hair curls at the edge a tinge.I never noticed the way light shines from your eyes
the blush on your cheeks.
or the glitter on your nose.
I swear I never noticed.

MY TYPE OF GIRL

Willow & Emily

Rosy red cheeks
Freckles over dimples
Blush on her nose like she has a coldPlatform boots
Chain on her belt
Eyeliner wings that could make her flyFishnets
Cargo jeans
Safety pins, pin cushion noseHoles in her ears
Ink on her skin
My type of girl, Emo Girl wins

BACKBURNER

Ani
You should be nervous to meet me
I should consume every waking day
and every thought you exhale
and every imperceptible self smile.You should jump out of your skin
when your phone buzzes,
"Did she text?" "Has she seen?"
"Is she noticing me?"
Your heart should drop
when you find that I'm not.You should get to a date 20 minutes early
just so you're not late by 1
and stress about what you're going to say.
You should have caterpillars at the thought of me
And butterflies at the mention.And it's clear that this is not the case.
What should be is not what is
and what I do is not what you did.
But maybe I'm guilty too
I'm a bad texter, I've been back burning you
but at least I always turn up.

RELATIONSHIPS & INDECISION

Ani, Gbemi, Leah, Anna, anyone, everyone
I don't know if I want holding hands
And laying on your shoulder on the trainOr grasping sheets in my fists
And getting railed.

TIMINGS

Gbemi
I always text at the wrong time
I take too long to respond
And I don't want to have to take time to plan my life around someone.
You want to come over tonight
but I just want to cum
You want to talk through your feelings
And I'm trying to avoid that
I live my life on the surface
dealing with surface level things
I think you're head over heels for me
I think we have our timings wrong.

ALL THE LOVELY TIMES

~ Sappho fr. 94
No oneMake room for the others.
There are no others.
There is none other than you.
I wish there were.
At least then
I wouldn't spend all my time on you
and all brain power on you
and all the pages of my dairy
on you...

SWIPE LEFT

Swipe right on all the girls I’ve loved before
and yet will never know
because they swipe left on me.
Swipe right with my eyes and see those two girls in love
Swipe right with my eyes and see that boy in love with her.
Swipe left on me.
And here I am,
wanting, wishing, needing, yearning
but St Valentine comes and points his arrows
at everyone but me
Eros has hit me with lead
And from my heart,
all my love bled
onto the fires of that hellish app.
A fifth wheel to our four wheel drive
A third wheel to our bicycle
A second choice to all who would chose me.

CONNECTION

When calls get dropped
and talking comes to cease,
when your voice cuts off
and I can't hear your piece,
when plans get changed
and texts no longer free,
when you're abroad,
too cheep to pay the data roaming fee.
when I send a text
but you leave me on read
...
now the conversation's dead,
when I call to say 'I love you'
but there's no reception,
when you have my whole heart
but there's no connection.

FAVOURITE SONG

You are my favourite song
and I play you on repeat,
I know the lyrics like I
know the back of my hand
so I sing the words you want to hear
and you sing along with me
you tap the rhythm into my skin
I feel the beat in my chest
and the melody in your kiss.

SNAPCHAT LOVER

You're a snapchat lover;
you remember my birthday;
you know all my friends,
you're there when I want to talk.
You're light and you're breezy,
but you disappear quickly...
Now all I have are memories
seen through rose tinted filters every year.

FATE

Merlin & Arthur

I fear no fate's design
for you are my fate, my love,
I fear no fires built high
I'd burn on a pyre for you, my love,
I fear no death
for you are my life,
no dragons
for you're my knight,
I fear no poison
for your my cure all,
my heart when hope is low,
my destiny written in the stars,
I fear no fate's design,
I fear no fate.
My fate is clear in you.

ART

Hercules

He moved like he was dancing
and it was beautiful.
Each action choreographed
ten moves in advance
graceful,
lost in a swirl of colour.
He was like the sea
in the middle of a storm;
devastating and hypnotic,
dangerous, but a sight so majestic
it took my breath away.
I could drown in his eyes,
I could swim in his arms
I could sink into him.
He was like a frozen wave
on a painted canvas,
he was like an art form,
he was like a ribbon dancer,
wild and free and beautiful.

BREAK MY HEART

Perfect decay and beautiful destruction
you hurt me like an art form
I find meaning
in the way you break my heart.

DISTANCE

In your home
In your bedMy head rested on your legs
**
**
My heart resting in your chest
**
****
**
A distance between us, I can't trek

EMBERS

sparks and embers rain down
like a million tiny fireflies
i'll hold your hand
to keep you warm
like the bonfire on the fifth,
like the fire you lit in my chest.

THE ENDS OF THE EARTH

I'd follow you to the ends of the earth
and the world never ends
which means I'd follow you forever.
What I mean to say is
I'll follow you forever.

GOOD INTENTIONS

What I want to say is
"I miss you"
What I said was
"You're not here!"
What I meant to do was
not hurt you,
but the road to hell is
paved with good intentions.

BEST OF THEM

The road to hell
is paved with good intentions
and you're the best of them.

FEEL

Every now and then
I go back to that place
in my mind when I loved you
just to make myself hurt
just to feel something.

I KNOW YOU

I know you
now I know what home feels like,
now I know what alone feels like,
now I know what lost hope feels like,
now I know you truly.

YOUR LIPS

Words sound better from your lips
Touch feels better from your hands
Love is better from your heart
Tears are sadder from your eyes
Laughter more beautiful from your mouth
Kisses taste better from your lips

HOME II

Wherever your heart isthat's where I callhome.

WORDS

After so long on this Earth
decades, centuries, eons
poets still have words
they want to write.
Just like them
no matter how long I'm with you
I'll always have words
I want to say
mainly "I love you."

INNERMOST BEING

I love how they fall under the forces of gravity
I love how they fall in the palm of my hand
I love to feel the thrum and the thump of your heart
I love to feel the buds start to bloom
and blossom and flower
I love to see our back arch up
and push your soul into mine
I love when our innermost beings lock together
like a jigsaw puzzle, the perfect missing piece.

KNOW YOURSELF

You'll never reallu know someone
like you know yourself.
They'll never know you
the way that you do
but sometimes the way they see you
is better than the way you see yourself.

POETRY

Love
is
like
poetrywords
mean
something.

THE WAY

There's something about the way
your fingers dig into my skin
that makes me always feel you.

BARE

I'm baring my soul to you
asking you this is like standing naked
in a concert field
standing next to flowers
but feeling like the mud between my toes
I'm bare before you now
my heart in your hands
the ball in your court
I'm standing here
and I'm completely under your control
and you didn't even give it a second thought.

I DON’T WANT TO DANCE

I don’t want to dance
I’m scared to death
I’ll step on your toes
I don’t want to dance
It’s two left feet I own
I don’t want to dance
you hold out your hand
I don’t want to dance
I take it with a glance
I don’t want to dance
with anyone but you.

BEING POLITE

Sometimes
'does anyone want the last one?'
is just a polite platitude amongst strangers
and sometimes
'do you want the last one?'
is just another way to say
'I love you'

LOCKET

I want to be the girl inside your locket
I want to be the background of your phone
I want to be your favourite cook
the gifter of your favourite book
I want to be the name in your Instagram bio
and tattooed on your hip
and your heart and in your head.

RIDDLE ME THIS

It's the reason to leave
and the reason to stay.
It's the light that blinds me
but it guides my way.
It sends me to bed
but keeps me up at night.
It splits my heart in two
but fulfils me too.
What am I?

THE SAME I

teardrops on a page
and dried by the sun
that book was never quite the same.
teardrops down my face
wiped away by your hand
but we'll neve quite be the same.like cracks in a mirror
and tears in my jeans,
spiderweb fractures,
apart at the seems,
we're falling apart
did you even love me?
we're falling apart
would you even catch me?
i'm falling apart
are you even sorry?

THE SAME II

i've fallen apartbut i'm not paper
i'm not glass
i'm not a mirror
with 7 years bad luck
i'm not an old pair of jeans
or a crack in the wall
fallen castles and
toppled ramparts
but I'm not brokenI can be put back together, apart.
I can never me the same
but that's not a bad thing.

HAND IN HAND

Women and art go hand in hand
You and I should go too
I’ll hold your bag while you sing up there
hold you when you get off stage
I’ll hold your hair, push it out of your face
hold your coffee while you concentrate
hold my gaze on yours
as you grip me tight
Hold my universe in your heart
Hold you like the poet holds close his poems
Hold you like a painter holds tight his art
Women and art go hand in hand
You and I should go too.

FALL

I never gave my heart to you,
I had it stolen like crown jewels.
You weren't my other half but you made me whole.
I didn't fall in love with you,
I was pushed off the cliff edge.
Being in love with you
when I had no intention of
being in love.
Falling in love slowly and then all at once.

SCARS

I wore you like a bruise
I kissed you like a fight
I loved you like a scar
I left you like I loved you
and you faded slowly
and you're never really gone.

HAIKYU FOR YOU

Your lips look so soft (5)
I really want to kiss you (7)
I really want you. (5)

VALENTINE

Valentine's Day
gets less
and less important
each year
Until you find
someone to
share
it with.

LOVE LIES

She lied and said "I don't love you."
She lied because she was scared.He lied too and he agreed,
"It meant nothing to me,
all the time she shared!"
He huffed
and she believed,
"Well then I guess that's lucky
that neither of us care."
she left abruptly
and he fell into dispair.

GOODNIGHT

I always say goodnight,
it's less sad than goodbye
I don't like saying goodbye.You always say good morning
to remind me that you'll never go
you always say hello.

her (CATULLIA)

I had my own Lesbia, my own Cynthia, my own dura who had Propertius' four book elegiac relationship breakdown in the space of a month.
Girls move fast, they burn hot and flame out with thunderous applause.

SEVEN HOURS IN HEAVEN

I'm reading you poetry in a lamp lit room, Catullia,
twilight's dawning in your eyes
the horizon's empty
and filled with hopes and dreams
and promises of everything.
Your song is playing
and it never fails you
kiss me like you need me to breath
kiss me like I never failed you.

GREEN EYES

What colour are your eyes?
The blue of the ocean
deep and vast?
I want to drown in the pools of you.
The green of the grass
blossoming with daffodils and daisies?
Dig my figures in and plant a kiss.
The grey of a storm cloud
with the silverest of linings?
Run my hands over your mountains and your peaks.
The flecks of brown like the earth beneath our feet
Like the way you're my whole world
and how you're everything I see
and how you're everything to me.The sea's in your eyes
and the seasons;
the flowers of spring
the snowflakes of winter
The sun and the sky in your iris
the moon and the stars in your whites
the wind and the earth in your eyes
lights a fire in my soul
lights a fire in my eyes
like the fire in your eyes.

SUN TO BED

We put the sun to bed
We put a fire to shame
We burn the candle at both ends
We stay awake all night
Tongues locked in a fight
Fingers in a cave.I trace the lines of your bountiful hills
I'm very passionate about topography
Dip my hand into your lake
Nails break skin like ground breaks
I'm a big fan of archaeology.

I LIKE THIS

I like your weight on top of me
I like your hand between my thighs
I like your mouth on my lips
and my neck and my nips
I like a solid grip and a soft touch
I like when it feels like too little
and too much at the same time.I like my hands in your hair
I like you up against the wall
I like you gasping out for air
I like you crying out for more
I like my head between your legs
I like the hickey on your neck
it matches the one I gave you last night.I like my mouth on your mouth
I like the whispers in my bed
I'd like to do this all over again
I'd like it if I liked you, Catullia,
as much as you seem to
I'd like it if I liked you
as much as I loved this.

WHAT TO SAY

What are you supposed to say to someone every day for the rest of your life?
What new thing can you learn about them after 20 years that you haven't covered in 2?
What tiny inch of your body have I not explored after 2 weeks?
What small nook and cranny has my tongue not traversed?
What topics have not been conversed?
What am I supposed to say to you?
What do you say to the same person every day for the rest of your life that you haven't already said before?

THIEF

Cynthia said when Daphne stole her stuff
and she giggled as she tried to get it back
that it made her feel special.
When you did that, Catullia
it just made me feel tired
it just gave me an overwhelming sense
of being annoyed.
I didn’t find it cute like Cynthia did
I didn’t find it endearing
and I don’t know if I need to find
someone who doesn’t play-steal my things
or if I just need to find the right thief
someone who can steal me; heart, body and soul.

GO TO BED

i want to go to bed
i want to go to sleep
ignore my phone
turn off the bleep
ignore the buzz
ignore the ring
ignore the guilt
ignore feelings
ignore my friends
ignore questions
ignore the guilt
ignore the memories of Catullia
woven into my quilt.

HIM (HELIOS)

THE DAY WE MET

I still remember the day we met
Me, worried I wasn’t smart enough for this
that I was never smart enough for this
and never would be
You, worried about new school and new friends and new seats
Us, each scared of the days to come
and then you tapped me on the back
and laid those fears to rest
with one simple question,
“Do you want to be partners on this?”“Yes.”
I want to be partners on everything.

TYPE

I always told my friends I didn't have a type.
I suppose that's not entirely true.
I like nice guys.
Funny guys
Smart guys.I like guys with beards
and I like it when they're taller than me
but not so much taller than me
that I can't reach their lips
when I want to kiss.I like when they have hair that floops
when it swoops to the side
and I want to run my hand through it.I'm describing you.
You're everything I didn't know I wanted
until I saw you.
I guess you're my type.

MINTS

I started bringing (5)
mints everywhere, just for you (7)
just in case we kissed (5)

MISTLETOE

We stood under some mistletoe the other day
I didn't quite know what to say
I pointed up
And you looked down, deep into my eyesI wanted to do what people did
when they stood underneath some mistletoeI wanted your cold hand on mine
I wanted an arm around my waist
Your hands running through my hair
Your lips on my lipsLike people do
when they stand underneath some mistletoe.

WANT

Like a sad montage
of a bad rom com,
I sat on the bus
looking out of the window
music in my ears,
longing for you.We high fived,
and you held my hand.
I wanted you to hold my hand.Your hands were warm
and they warmed mine,
on that frosty day.
It’s often frosty here so
I wanted you to warm me.When our hands parted like the Red Sea
(repelled apart by forces greater than me)
I could still feel you, Helios
your touch, a ghost on my hand,
a phantom heat keeping me warm.
I wanted you to hold it again.I wanted you to hold me.

HOLD

I don’t want to hold your hand
I’ll have to let you go.

i'm not special

i’ve seen his snapchat
i’m not special,
but just like myspace
he’s my top 8
he says good morning every morning
but that’s how he keeps the streak
we walked under all this mistletoe
it made for a pretty picture
he put his arm around me
that made for a pretty picture
i’ve seen the number of people he knows.
I’m Not Special.

COWARD

I don't know how to tell you this, Helios, because I'm a coward.I wanted to tell you at Christmas
when we wandered through the dark city
strung with fairy lights
like dew drops in the early morning
and there was mistletoe everywhere.I wanted to tell you on our late night phone calls
that somehow became a ritual
you're the last person I know who still uses the phone.I wanted to tell you on Valentine's Day
and then I wanted to wait a day
just to avoid looking terribly cliché
I was so sure that was the day I would do it.You told me.
You told me that you were back together with her.
I wanted to tell you I'd missed my chance
I told you good luckI wanted to tell you when our late night calls ended
and I saw you'd been up late
calling her.

YOU

You're the coward!
It was you all along!
You could have told me on Christmas if you liked me!
I invited your friend too but you said he was busy,
was he even busy?
Was he even asked?
You could have told me on our late night calls
you could have told me you wanted to kiss me!
You could have told me I was some kind of back up choice in case things didn't work out with her
you could have told me that you didn't want to be just friends!
Why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't I realise?
What would I have done if you had said it?
What would I have done if I noticed?
You had a bad reputation
and you were too smart for me
and you were the first person to ever call me bi
when I didn't even know
and you were my first Physics friend
and you were the first person I phased out in second year
and you got me to touch your muscles but you got her to do it too, and him
was that flirting?
I don't know what flirting is.
You clearly do, lady killer that you are.
I'm an idiot.
I'm a coward I'll admit it
but fucking so are you!

him (ADMETUS)

SIREN SONG

A siren song is sweet
but it's still a siren singingMy phone, it sounds so pretty
but it's still you who is ringing

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME

I don't know how to talk to you
I don't know what to say to you
I don't know what you want from me
I don't know what I want from you
I keep my thoughts locked in my mind
Never to be seen or prized
Never to be shared or primed
Always under lock and key
I don't know what you want from me.

TRAPPED

Mouth shuts when you talk to me
Eyes close when you look at my
Heart stops when you think of me
Mind freezes when I think of youAdmetus, I don't know what to think of you
I don't want to think of you
but I amYou're racing around my head like a tornado
uprooting all my foundations
my mind is trapped in this moment
my mind is trapped in this moment
my mind is trapped in this moment
I don't want to think of you
I don't want to think
mind freezes when I think of you.

WHEN YOU'RE NOT HERE

I don't miss him when he's not here.
I don't crave his touch when he's not near.I don't know small things about him that no one else knows.
I don't go with him wherever he goes.I don't fit in his arms like I was made
to fit perfectly in his embrace.I don't want to go off alone with him
unless he's asking me to hold him close.I miss his warmth when he's away.
I crave his kiss when he's close to me.
I smile when I see his name,
I sing when I hear his voice."Do you love him?"
I'm not sure...
I've never said it out loud before.
I've been burnt and I've been hurt before.He's pushy when I'm saying no.
I want to stay, he wants to go.
I don't know what to say when we're alone,
why does he want me here alone?
Do I want us here alone?
My heart says 'yes' my mind says 'no'.I don't miss him when I'm all alone.

(HiM) ARES

ARES

All’s not fair in love and war
and it doesn’t benefit you that this was neither
this wasn’t love.
It was heated, yes,
passionate, fiery, primal
but not love.You deleted that message
that you sent by candlelight
but I’m a night owl.
I saw it.
I avoided it till the light of day
but you deleted it.
now I can pretend it never happened
and you can pretend you never sent it
and we can pretend I never saw it
and nothing has to change.I’m not cut out for anything more than this.
I’m not cut out for anything more than just sex.
I’m not prepared to love someone
who I’ll get bored of just as soon
as I get to know them.
Someone who I have to schedule around.
I’m bad with schedules,
I’m bad with time
I’m bad with hearts
I’m bad for you.

GET THE MESSAGE

I thought we were done
but you kept messaging me.I thought you’d get the message
when I never messaged you.

GALATEA

I'm a living sculpture,
a walking idol;
this isn't a boast,
it's not because I'm beautiful,
I'm cold.
You'd never think it
but I am a pale ivory imitation of a person.I’m not moulded for movie dates
and walks around the park
I’m not sculpted for inside jokes
I'm not chiselled for cute nicknames
I'm not built for holding hands
and plans
and plans
and plans.I’m not carved for just the two of us
in my room, hugging and talking
I’m not formed for you knowing what I do
and I’m not forged for your friends knowing me as that girl
as your girl
I’m not made to be known
I don’t like to be known
I don’t want anyone to know me
and yet I want everyone to know me
all the inner workings of my brain
and how messed up and broken it is
and how normal I am.People think I’m normal
and how weird is it that that’s part of it,
this insane need to project this level of calm
this inability to feel anything
but apathy to most things
so whilst everyone else is crying and stressing
and raging and falling apart oh so publically
I could never let anyone see me
at anything less than my best
and relationships are about seeing each other
and not being at your best
and being okay with that
and helping the other get betterand I can’t do that
Any of that
I can’t let you see me like that
I can’t help you
I can barely help myself
I don’t know what I’m doing
I’m not built for this
I'm not built for you
I'm like Galatea
I'll never be perfect enough for anyone.

HER (SAPPHIA)

HEART WANTS

The heart wants
what the heart wants
what the heart wants
but the heart doesn't know
what it wants.
It wants Sapphia
it wants Sapphia’s best friend
Funny and smart and beautiful
witty and pretty and cool.The heart wants both
and it wants neither
and that tells the brain
that the heart is not ready to love either.

LOVING HER I

unrequited love
kept in the shadows
for fear
of messing things up

LOVING HER II - agony

When I'm sitting next to you in class,
my hand tingling,
aching for you to touch me
it's agony.It's agony knowing I can't tell you.
It's agony that even if I tried to you'd say no.
It's agony that my best friend likes you
and if I did anything I'd break her heart.
It's agony that if I said it
I could never take it back.
It's agony that if I never do
I won't even have the chance.It's agony when we're playing and you hold me
so I don't fall over
and I want your hands to stay there forever
but they're gone too soon.It's agony I can't ask you to put them back.It's agony when I'm the butt of the joke
and I have to laugh it off.It's agony when I'm stuck in my own head
asking what if?
What if you like me?
What if you don't?
What if I tell you?
What if what if what itSitting next to you, hands tingling,
aching for you to touch me,
the ghost of your lips on mine,
the heat of your knee burning me like fire
you're laugh ringing in my ears like church bells
your voice like a choirIt's Agony.

JUST A GIRL

I'm just a girl standing in front of another girl
writing love poetry about herand trying to convince myself
I'm straight.

LOVING HER III - jealousy

Just when I'd gotten over my Agony and my pain and you,
you went and did this.
I don't blame you.
I don't own you.
You don't owe me.
I never told you.
I even told myself I'd stopped.You were really happy,
and it wasn't because of me.
When you told me her name
you smiled
I'd never met her before but I've met her now.
She's pretty, she's really really pretty.
She's prettier than me, is that why?I'm happy for you, I am. I swear.
It doesn't hurt that she's wearing the ring
I got you for your birthday
or that you want me to come with you
to run an errand for her because she's 'sick'.I remember before you were together
when you were too shy to even say hi to her in Nando’s
it was cute then,
when I thought it was never going to happen.
I laughed then, and it was genuine.Does that make me a bad person?
I don't deserve you, Sapphia,
if it hurts me when you're happy.
She was only sick
because she stayed up all night talking to you
I was up too.I'm with you running that errand though
sitting with you on the bus
because you asked me to
and I would kill for any time with you
and my heart leaps
genuinely skips a beat
and you're making jokes
and I'm trying to laugh
because in my head I'm not jealous
I'm over you
You were never mine to begin with.In my head I want you
I love you
I need you.
Out loud she seems nice.
Out loud I'm not jealous.

LOVING HER IV - over it

There was a time when loving you hurt me
A time when I wanted to be
the one you loved.Then you go and pull some
"I'm not ready" stunt
months into your relationship with her.
Clearly, I got lucky.
You really aren't ready
and I'm Over It.

DON'T THINK

There's no space on this train
so I lean over you
one hand on the wall boxing you in
like some Wattpad K drama
and I think I could kiss you then.There's no space in this club
on this dance floor
and we've gone together
and it's a gay club
because you know now, about me I mean
and I think they think we're together,
people keep asking us if we're together
because we look like we're together
and I don't even know if I want us to be together
but I can truthfully answer "no"
and watch you kiss someone else.I'm still a novice at sorting out my feelings
is it supposed to be this hard to separate
friend from something more.
Maybe it's because I never got closure
maybe it's because I never tld you the truth
maybe it's because when I said I was over it
that was a lie
just like it was a lie when I said I was fine
and it was a lie when you asked
if you should send that message to that girl
and I said
"I think you should"
because I didn't think you should
I think you should have messaged me
but you don't think about me
at least I think.

AFTER

ETERNAL REST

You don't look like you're asleep.
Through my tears I see your face.
Through my sobs I choke "Goodnight" but
you don't look like you're asleep,
your skin is pale, and with my
hand upon your cheek
I feel you're cold, your eyes are closed
and there's no movement when you breathe,
You're lying still
and in a box,
and everyone around you sobs.In your face, I see no life
so I can tell you're not asleep.You don't look like you're asleep.

AWAY

This was the coat I wore when we buried you.
This was the flower on the coat
And inside the pocket
This was the tissue I used to wipe away my tears.This was the picture they took of the flowers on your grave
This was the day you went away
This was the song we sang, the voice we gave
This was the day it all went away.And when the next birthday card came in the mail
For the first time there was only one name
'From grandma and grandad' no more
'From grandma' evermore'From grandma' until she goes away...

A GLIMPSE OF EDEN

Choosing rebirth means
only seeing a glimpse
of my afterlife;
a sliver of Eden,
a day dream, a vision,
a circle of birds around my head
from a drop of poison,
a moonlit pool;
the River Lethe,
everything,
nothing,
oblivion,
purification
And then life once more
and once more
and then an eternity
in Eden.

ELYSIAN FIELDS

My hand sweeps through clear blue water
the ferryman takes my coin and smiles
the river is cool to touch and pure as my soul.
My hair blows in the clear clean wind
like a breath of fresh air in the world down below.
Idyllic meadows and picture-perfect scenes,
blue skies and Elysian fields,
like a garden of Eden in the underworld,
like heaven in Hades.

ANGELS

I
prefer
silence
to
the
angels

WHITE FLAG

I'll fight for just a day of peace
where white flags fly
and white doves
with olive branches in their teeth
offer guns unloaded
and swords sheathed,
bombs disarmed
and cheers and screams
of happiness;confetti is the only thing
reigning down
on weary soldiers
home at last.Kiss a nurse
in the streets
home at last,
home to peaceI'll fight for just a day of peace.

MENIN GATE

Buried without a body
buried without a grave
the only thing to remember me by
is a wall with a million names.
down
down
down
down came the spires of churches, and bells
ring in alarm as they fell
the Churches were gone
He had abandoned us
no man's land was hallowed ground
where bullets went to fly
where men went to fight
where God went to die.

MONOCHROME

BLACK

Black is the absence of colour
It demands nothing
and expects nothing in return
Black goes with everything
and somehow everything seems to be the new Black
Black is the sky when the day is done
which puts overworked bodies to rest
Black is the bottom of the ocean
with no light to guide you
Black is a dark night
shielding people from prying eyes
Black is a shadow
A silhouette of real life
Black is the darkness inside
which drives away the light and hides the truth
Black is a person
but they're not really
not in the same way the rest of these things are Black
because no one can be Black
a person is brown
Black are our hearts
as we close them to the diversity
and give into ignorance
Black is untouchable.
Unchangeable. Unbreakable.

GREY

Grey is a shade
The happy medium of black and white
The compromiseGrey is universal
and works with everythingGrey is the tendrils of smoke
rising up from a snuffed out candleGrey is the ash
of a burnt buildingGrey is the mist
of your breath in the coldGrey is the steam
of the water, scalding hotGrey is the slate
sturdy and steady and strongGrey is a photo
depicting history's greatest triumphsGrey is our morals
but not really
not in the same way the rest of these things are Grey
because morals can't be Grey
morals are justGrey are our hearts
as we try to better others lives
whilst simultaneously employing the 'Not in my back yard' policyBlack is untouchable, unchangeable, unbreakable.
White is changeable, affectable, but it's not ruined.
Grey is a bit of both; compromise and promises of the future.

#808080

Shades of grey means kinky.
Shades of gray means bad.
Shades of grey means the ends don't justify the means
But it also means that it does.
Shades of gray is doing the wrong thing for the right reason.
Or the right thing for the wrong reason.
Or not understanding something completely.
Grey isn't solid.
It's not the unbreakable black nor the unshakable white.
A dash of colour and the whole thing changes.
Charcoal, ash, silver, dim
Off-grays, Cool grays, Warm grays, Achromatic grays.
Even the spelling of grey is gray.
Nothing is certain. Nothing is 100%.
Storm clouds are grey.
Cute kittens are gray.
Smoke that burns your lungs from the inside out is grey.
Steam that refreshes and warms you is gray.
It's off-white. It's pastel-black. It's not even a colour.
Grey is nothing but an illusion.

WHITE

White is the presence of all colours
It is everything
and demands everything in return
White goes with everything
But nothing can replace it
White is a cloud
as it floats through the blue skies
White is the sun as it glares in your eyes
and you can barely see through your squint
White is a bright day
driving you onwards
White is the light
that shines down upon the earth
White are the stars
which guide you in the darkness
White is the light inside
As you strive for excellence
White is a person
except they're not really
not in the same way the rest of these things are White
because no one can be White
White are our hearts
as we let freedom and justice prevail
and end discrimination
White is changeable
It can be affected by even the tiniest flecks of colour
but it's not ruined
far from it.

THE POEMS EXPLAINED

MYTH - explained

The way I was trying to be the next Ovid or Virgil writing poems about myths right before I got more into writing love poetry like Sappho, Catullus, Propertius and the Romantics or political commentaries like Horace and Virgil again. They're arranged close to chronologically with a few departures.

PANDORA'S BOX

In this instance it's an extended metaphor comparing the horrors in Pandora's box to the kinds of bad thoughts a depressed girl might have, all that negativity is in there but hope is in there too, hope that tomorrow will be better.

LIFE ACCORDING TO THE ANCIENT GREEKS

If I had it 100% chronological I would have put this first but I don't think it's a good poem to start with, definitely not one of my favourites, it's just the story of Greek creation but in very simple terms.

WHITE MARBLE

There was an Apollo/Hermes fan fiction called Marble and Sweat (which as since been deleted) that used some beautiful language to describe one of the statues of Apollo at Delphi and it got me thinking. At the same time I'd been reading some Cattulus and was working on how to write a sexy poem without being gross and vulgar so this was a nice start I think.

CUPID'S ARROW

The story of Daphne and Apollo has everything, it has two dudes fighting over who's a better archer, a god falling in love with a nymph, the nymph telling him to fuck of for a variety of reasons and a girl turning into a tree. Obviously, this situation was very bad for Daphne, being chased by a god against her will and unable to escape him except through transformation (metamorphoses if you will) but Apollo also had a pretty raw deal since Daphne was struck by a lead anti-love arrow and he was struck by Cupid's arrow, his creepy behaviour wasn't even really his fault.

FLOWERS

I just think it's funny (and sad) that so many of Apollo's loves end up being turned into plants. Of course, a laurel tree is not a flower but you get the idea.
The myths mentioned in this poem are Apollo and Hyacinth, Apollo and Daphne, and Apollo and Cyparissus.

SUN CHARIOT

This is the story of Helios and Phaethon, the lesser-known story of a guy who falls out of the sky due to his own hubris (you're not special Icarus). Also meant to be a commentary on climate change and global warming in that the weather is changing pretty rapidly and being pretty extreme just like in the myth of Phaethon.

HELIOS' SON

Another poem about Phaethon only this time dealing with the myth more head on, dealing with the grief of his father, his mother, his aunts, his many sisters and his lover after he dies and the anger everyone would feel towards Zeus because of this. I wrote this after reading the Ovid Metemoprhoses version of the myth which is why there's such a heavy focus on the transformations and the idea of the sky being a road/track.

ZODIAC

This was one of my early poems of 2019 taking my very old favourite topic, the stars and the fact that I can't see them, and bringing a mythological flair to them. I have another couple star poems which is just about how all I see are aeroplanes, definitely a byproduct of living in the big city of London with its light pollution and its clouds that make the sky impossible to see. After reading the stories of Ursa Major and Minor in Ovid's Metamorphoses this felt like a natural progression with my obsession with not seeing stars.

URSA MINOR

"To all the boys I've loved before" was a play on the popular Netflix movie book adaption except it's the exact opposite because Artemis doesn't like boys. Artemis transforms a lot of people into animals, often unfairly some guy accidentally sees her naked? Jackel for him. A girl gets raped basically by the king of the gods? She's a bear and her kid is too!

DANDELION AND BONE

Narcissus is a narcissus which is basically a daffodil but in my first draft I got mixed up and wrote dandelion instead, I decided to keep it that way because I liked the way it sounded. This is the myth of Narcissus and Echo, I wanted to play with dialogue and multiple speakers in a poem clearly marked out and with a character like Echo it's a must.

FAIR ENOUGH

In the musical Hadestown, Orpheus poses a question about Hades that isn't wholly answered in the musical but has a very clear answer in mythology, he didn't choose to be in the Underworld, he was shunned form Olympus and from his family because he drew the short straw and painted as a villain because of it. Within the context of the play I'm aligning him with Euridce who has also been left behind by her family and has only ever known how to fend for herself, in that way they're both similar and it explains why he specifically chose her to come to the Underworld with him.

HADES, MY DARKNESS

In Hadestown the Musical Persephone and Hades have a song called How Long? where she calls Hades her darkness and her light and I feel like that embodies Persephone as well. She's the goddess of spring and seasons but she's also queen of the underworld she's got two very opposing vibes going on, the devoted wife and the helpless captive, the women who loves her husband and the girl who will never be free of him.

HEARTH

This poem is for Hestia, oldest of the original 6 godly children of Rhea and Kronos, the part-time Olympian, the sister and aunt who everyone loves. Some of her characterisation is definitely inspired by Percy Jackson where she is constantly tasked with keeping the peace but there's a lot of truth to it classical mythology wise as well.

WHAT HOPE HAVE I?

I read William Shakespeare's Venus and Adonis and this came from that, Aphrodite cane have any man in the world but the one man she wants doesn't want her In the poem Aphrodite comes off as a real creep because Adonis isn't interested in her because of his young age and his love of the hunt and she is basically trapping him using her godly strength to try a get a kiss off the kid but It just goes to show you that even the goddess of love and beauty gets rejected sometimes. I also stole the white and red motif from Shakespeare.

STONE SANCTUARY + ATHENA'S GIFT

In the case of Medusa vs everyone I'm very much on Medusa's side. Athena had no standing to punish her as she did and it was a punishment, don't start me on this proto-feminist retelling where it was actually a gift to protect her from men forever, all it did was make her a target for men seeking monsters including Perseus who Athena helped track her down.
The first poem is focused on the idea of stone and marble, like the lost statue of marble and gold Athena.
The second has a bit of a message about feminism and capitalism and how in order to bring eveyrone up we need to look passed someone's gender and see what's actually going on a rich white woman has white privilege and white feminism and wealth that puts them in a different bracket of living entirely, they might not always mean what they say when they say they'll fight for the poor and the people of colour because it's not always in their best interest or their problem even if they claimed to help women.

LION SKIN IS NOT LION HEART + TWELVE LABOURS

This is a metaphor about domestic abuse/spousal abuse in comparison to Hercules. Obviously, the actual myth of Hercules was a different matter altogether, he was driven mad by Hera but even after he killed his whole family (or half depending on the version) he's still remembered as one of the greatest heroes in Greek mythology. In a modern context with guys like that, no one questions his dedication to his family because he seems like such a nice guy to everyone else, his coworkers and his boss and his friends just couldn't believe it. The arrival of Omphale spells a change in this idea, the uncovering of their true character and the rise of women in general. I'm not saying it has to do a complete 180 like this but what is poetry for if not hyperbole and over simplifications.

LOVE ME LIKE THEY LOVE IN THEBES

This poem references several different mythic couples and especially doomed or cursed couples. The first being Atalanta and Hippomenes who were turned into lions after failing to honour Aphrodite for a favour she did them. Greeks used to think that lions couldn’t reproduce with each other and so it was a double punishment in that way.
Achilles and Penthesilea are the next ‘couple’ they only knew each other for the duration of one fight but the myth goes that Achilles fell in love with her at the moment he killed her, running her through with his spear. The small amazon force had fought on the side of the Trojans but they had arrived much too late to hope to change the tide of the war.
When it comes to Paris and Helen I usually take the stance that Helen did not go with him willingly but for the sake of this poem I used the consensual version. They started the Trojan war one of the worst wars in mythology all because they wanted to be together and wouldn’t give up even after ten years of being at war with all the Greeks.
Orpheus and Eurydice are again another doomed couple. Eurydice was killed or died and so in order to get his love back Orpheus used his lyre to get into the underworld and ask for her back, he almost did it but fell down at the last hurdle.
Oedipus and Jocasta are directly named just because their names carry so much tragic weight in them, those who aren’t overly familiar with the myth still know what Oedipus did and those who know it will remember Jocasta hanging herself from shame and Oedipus’ autoinoculation when he realised what he had done and with whom.
Medea and Jason are the next couple, a rare breed in that even though Medea is a literal child murder, Jason still comes off really badly. Medea basically did everything to get the fleece, allowed them to pass her father’s challenges, allowed them time to escape (even if she did kill her brother) and yet he still leaves her and her children for another woman and expects her to be grateful because no she’s in Greece instead of wherever she was before. In retaliation Medea plots to kill the princess, Jason’s new wife, and accidentally manages to kill the king as well and then she kills her own sons.
The next part is just mythological generalisations and then I mention Helios and Phaethon yet again and then I bring up Daphne and Apollo yet again as he chases her, embraces her as a laurel tree and makes the laurel his symbol forever.The over possessive, almost violent imagery is on purpose, the narrator is obsessed with the object of their affections, they’re head over heels infected by love to the point that they’re sick with it, that it drives them crazy. In a way it’s modelled on Valentine by Carol Ann Duffy which I studied at GCSE, it starts off very sweet and then gets more and more weird and violent and clingy as more metaphors come to fruition.

GIFT HORSE

Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes - I fear the Danaans [Greeks], even when they bear gifts. Latin phrase from Virgil's Aeneid. This is the one time you do want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

THE SONG OF ACHILLES

"I sing of arms and of the man, fated to be an exile, who long since left the land of Troy and came to Italy to the shores of Lavinium..." The first lines of Virgil's Aeneid and my favourite Epic about Greek things (even if it was written in Roman times). Obviously arms and men is the trojan war and the great and terrible deeds committed in the name of Paris but in this poem I take a page out of Madeline Millar's book and make the focus Achilles and Patroclus, they are the men and it's their arms, holding each other.

SIREN

Siren, as it is now, is a second draft and Siren and Siren Song (from him collection) were once one poem. This one became its own beast, tackleing Odysseus' nostos (journey home) and the constant missing his wife and his child. In Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters the Sirens lure you in, not with their beautiful voices, but by showing you the thing you want most, what he wants most is to see Penelope again and to go home to Ithaca after 17 years away.

HELEN OF DEVESTATION

She's known as Helen of Troy but she's of Sparta before that the only demigod daughter of Zeus. I often use the version of the myth where she was taken against her will to Troy by Paris because even after 10 years she has not come to like him and argues with Aphrodite over it, she misses her brothers and her family and she finds her very presence in Paris' room shameful. She's often blamed for the war, the face that launched a thousand ships, but as a character, she is more than just a face, more than just a female scapegoat for the Greek and Trojan royals who wanted money, power, influence and girls. Sometimes it seems that Prima and the other old men of Troy had more symphathy for her than we do in the modern-day, for example Natalie Haynes' A Thousand Ships gives every woman of the Iliad a voice except her, she is voiceless even amongst women. Helen has no Song of Achilles or Circe, even Briseis gets a famous and popular book from her POV before Helen does in Barker's Silence of the Girls.

CLYTEMNESTRA + ELECTRA

After reading both Euripes' and Sophocles' Electra this was all I could come up with, a longer poem from Clytemnestra's POV right before her daughter's death which was more inspired by A Thousand Ships and a little 6 liner about Electra leaning towards Sophocles' characterisation of her.

ROME - explained

Originally this was in the Myth section but I gave it it's own section because Rome is real nd whilst I mention Roman mythology, I also reference Roman history.

ALL ROADS LEAD TO...

I wrote this whilst I was in Rome in Feb 2020 because I was just walking as a tourist through the streets where the Emperor Augustus and many emperors after him walked, I found that fascinating and I wonder how Augustus would take it, he spent all that time building an empire and a dynasty just for it to end up a tourist spot.

REMUS

I was reading Mary Beard's SPQR and it raised some questions like how odd it was that Rome saw their foundation by a bunch of fratricidal criminals. Were Romulus and Remus the cause of Rome's bloody history of Civil Wars or is it the other way around? A way to explain their infighting in ways that made sense as myths are known to do. From the fated Latin king Aeneas and the native Latin Turnus to Romulus and Remus to Sulla and Marius to Caesar and Pompey, Augustus and Mark Antony and beyond Romans were constantly spilling Roman blood.

CLEOPATRA

When I studied Augustus and the Imperial Image at A Level there was this idea of Augustus' propaganda machine working against Cleopatra as well as just general racist/xenophobic ideas on 'Barbarians' and those outside of Rome. They saw her as a beguiling witch and Augustus did his hardest to send the message that she had bewitched Mark Antony so as to justify his war on the two of them and paint her as the enemy to the senate and the people of Rome.

MATRONA

A matrona is a dignified married woman or the wife of an honourable man in Rome and like most times, a man cheating on his wife is not that uncommon in the Roman world, although it’s not like wives didn’t also cheat, it was just less common because the consequences were a bit more dire (an illegitimate kid and the loss of respect). I watched Cleopatra (1963) and the way they handled Caesar’s wife when Cleopatra came to Rome and Octavia when she marries Antony but he’s in love with Cleopatra was very interesting and heart-breaking in a quiet way. It wasn’t Elizabeth Taylor’s somewhat overacted crying, falling the on the ground and wailing but it was just a quiet moment, a look, a deep breath and the fact that even as Caesar’s son not by here marches into to Rome she still does her duty as his wife and as a dignified high society lady.

SOCIAL JUSTUCE - explained

2016-2021 has been a very polarising and politically conscious time, as well as being the time when I was old enough to start understanding everything and even getting involved and voting, not that there's going to be a general election before I turn 23 unless there's another snap (Thanks Theresa May)

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LOVE - explained

These are some love poems I wrote before I had anyone to love, they're either not about specific people or they're about people I don't actually have a crush on and am just using as inspiration.

PHAINETAI MOI
(Sappho 31, Catullus 51)

Based on the poems Sappho 31 (which is where the title is from) and Catullus' Carmen 51. If you read an English translation of either poem but preferably both, you'll see where I got my inspiration from. It's not written about any particular person as when I wrote it that wasn't my practice but I supposed I must have been thinking of Sapphia.My poem differs from the inspirations because in those poems they're not sitting with their loves and they're jealous of the man who is whereas the narrator is sitting with their love and is still nervous.The last lines borrow from Sappho by saying how the feelings are killing the narrator but from Catullus I changed leisure killing leaders and cities (possibly an idictment on the Late Republic) to be Love, to stay more inkeeping with the major butterflies this girl is giving the narrator and the charged nature of both poems.Also not to one up Sappho and Catullus but both of them go on and on about how these girls effect their scences and neither of them bring up smell; only touch (skin), 'taste' (tongue), hearing and sight.

SOULMATE AU

So this is a play on many soulmate alternate universe tropes that's common in fan fiction.
- The name of your soulmate appears on you at birth/when you come of age/when you meet is a very common one
- Everyone sees in black and white until they meet their soulmate, the only exception is that sometimes they can only see whatever colour their soulmate's eyes are.
- Another is the idea that you and your soulmate are linked with red/invisible strings tied to your pinkies
- And a classic from Greek and Roman mythology is that humans were originally 4 legged, 4 armed, 2 faced, 1 headed beings but we were too happy and Zeus got a bit jealous so he split everyone in half and we're constantly yearning and searching for our other halves.

SHE, THE SUN

So that first line is ripped from Lord Byron's She Walks in Beauty I used it because it was rattling around in my brain until I wrote it down and then I figured I'm a post-modern poet so I'm allowed to use some intertextuality.
The crux of this poem is the age old story, the moon is in love with the sun and she tries to hang on during the day so she can see her but she never can.
Also the moon is a lesbian.

ENTANGLED

Remember when Jada Pinket Smith had her 'entanglement'? Well it put the word in my head and reminded me of when my sister explained Quantum Entanglement to me (she does degree level Physics) and then it reminded me of a short story called Randomize by Andy Weir also about quentum entanglment and it made me want to write a love poem about it because when you explain it simply, it sounds quite romantic.
In the end the thing that finally pushed my poem over the line was a meme about a man who got arrested for punching a kid and his argument was that since atoms never touch, he hadn't punched the kid.

GIRL THROUGH THE WINDOW

My university window looked out onto the landing of another corridor so I would constantly see people out there, there was a group of blonde girls who would work out there (definitely not distracting at all), when their floor would party sometimes I could see it and hear the music but this poem is about a girl who lived on my corridor but walked down 2 flights of stairs and then back up 3 flights of stairs just to find a quite place to read her book.

HUMMUS

A girl I knew who had mutual friends with me, was from London but I met in my university Latin class loved hummus. During the odd times of socially distanced uni, she was the first person outside my family to hug me.
Of course, she did get corona virus like 2 days later and I got corona virus like 4 days later but after 4 days I can't really blame her, I still don't know where I got it from.
This poem is part of my 2020/2021 style of writing about specific people even if I don't actually have a crush on them, whilst I did find Amelia on Tinder, I don't plan to date her.

WHY WON'T YOU BE MINE

This is about a girl called Kira I met on the dating/friends app Her, we both like mythology and anime and the Cult of Dionysus and no I don't have a crush on her but she was an interesting subject and I'm working on writing specific details about people that make them people so I can try and translate that into my characters when I write. That's probably the sole reason for my new style of writing about people I know; writing practice.

DRESS

On the 15th May 2021 I got hit on after/during my hall's formal. I was very flattered, he did Classics, he was kinda drunk, he was called Max but he moved a bit too fast for me.
I put this in the love section because I'm not about to put this in the 'me' section nor am I about to start a whole new section for anything more primal or explicit, I'm not Ovid lol.

I NEVER NOTICED

Again, just because I wrote a love poem about someone I know does not mean I love them, I'm using you as writing practice. This is about someone I know but I would like to make it very clear to any future people reading this that all feelings were and are platonic.

FATE

Believe it or not Fate is actually a love poem about the greatest ship on TV BBC's Merlin and Authur. Yes, their destinies/fates were intertwined, two sides of the same coin and all that. You can't watch that show and not think they love each other, even if you don't take it to shipper levels.

ART

I'm writing a book about Hercules and this was a paraphrased extract from the first time Megara properly sees Hercules in a fight.
They're soulmates who can never seem to catch a break and who are the opposite of slow-burn even as they never seem to find a way to be together.

DISTANCE

I wrote this in the height of social distancing in UK Lckdown 1 when I was very distanced from a lot of my friends but this specifically is about a couple drifting apart in their relationship.
The lines get further and further away from each other as their relationship crumbles because even though they're physically close, laying next to each other in bed, on top of each other even, their relationship isn't the same as it used to be and physical intimacy can't replace emotionally intamacy.

CONNECTION

This poem is an extended metaphor, comparing an unhappy or ending romantic relationship with various phone call activities, mainly a dropped call.
"When plans get changed" Has the double meaning of a phone plan and plans for a date or for your future together.
"When you're abroad" metaphorically just means when you're not here and when you're not present in the relationship.
Like many of my old poems, it's not based on anyone, simply the concept which sprung forth fro the last line of the poem "When you have my whole heart/ But there's no connection."

SNAPCHAT LOVER

This was originally going to be about a 'Snapchat friend' but it worked better in a romantic setting. Another extended metaphor to do with various phone activities, Snapchat is a social media designed to be brief, pictures and videos vanish forever if you don't save them and same with messages and yet for a good 3 years it was the main social media I used to communicate with people I knew, even if it was just sending S's back and forth to keep the streak without ever actually saying anything.

FAVOURITE SONG

This was inspired by Fall Out Boy's Favorite Record, although the only thing similar is probably the concept of a love song about a favourite piece of music. It's an extended metaphor from a man's POV comparing his girl to his favourite song. Don't ask why this one's male when no gender pronouns are mentioned, but it is. Maybe because I was thinking of FOB when I wrote it.

EMBERS

It was the fifth of November and I wanted to write something bonfire related.
I brainstormed a bunch of things that popped into my head when I thought bonfire and did a little word association.
It reminded me of my childhood, in the middle of winter, standing outside in the cold, eating cupcakes or roasted marshmallows and watching the bonfire and the fireworks and being scared out of my mind of the explosions in the sky and the giant fire in front of us and how I used to stand inside a tent because I was convinced a firework would fall on my head and one of my parents would come and stand with me even though they couldn't always see the fireworks.

REINS OF MY SOUL

It's literally just a sapphic version of Anacreon 360 and also a continuation of some of the feelings brought up in Bare.

KNOW YOURSELF

The title is from the inscription in the Temple of Apollo at Delphi but that really has nothing to do with the poem. It's more just general advice for people who hate themselves, if someone loves you there's a reason why, maybe because they see something in you that you don't or because they love the thing that you hate.

BARE

I put Bare in the love poem section because there's no friends section, it's literally just about me trying to make friends at uni and being a bit dramatic about it but it does sometimes feel like that. I asked Mia Harte if she could tell me if she was going to do something fun one night and she never texted me and I felt very much like I'd been left hanging, she later claimed she never did anything fun that night but idk if I believe that.

I DON'T WANT TO DANCE

I tried to write a song and I didn't like any of the verses but this was the chorus more or less. The twist being they don't want to dance because they think they'll mess it up but if they do dance, they only want to dance with their significant other/crush.

LOCKET

Being the picture inside someone's locket is the biggest sweetheart move, like when Steve had Peggy's picture in his compass but people don't really do that anymore now we announce our love on Facebook, put them in our Instagram and Twitter bios, get matching profile layouts and make them the background of our phones.

RIDDLE ME THIS?

The answer is love.

HER - explained

Capital H-E-R aka Sapphia is a girl I had a crush on in year 11 before I'd come to terms with liking girls even though all my friends were literally gay. I never said anything because A) she was my friend and I didn't think she'd ever like me like that, B) she had a girlfriend during some of that time and C) Our other friend also had a crush on her and I didn't need that kind of stress in my life happening anywhere outside of my own head. Sapphia in the grand tradition of Catullus' Lesbia, is an illusion to Sappho btw although this time in a literal sense because she is a lesbian.

HEART WANTS

This was just me trying to figure out which girl I liked, which girl I liked more, whether I actually liked girls or if I was just bad and differentiating feelings of friendship but nah I for sure liked Sapphia and this other girl too.

LOVING HER (AGONY)

Yeah, I had a crush on Sapphia for like 2 years and even though I recognised that in myself I never really thought about what that all meant, even though I literally wrote these poems at the time it never occurred to me to actually be sapphic. I would literally sit next to her in assembly just so our legs would be touching for half an hour. Literally went on an out of the way bus journey with her so that she could deliver bubble tea to her then-girlfriend. Can't believe how dumb I am.

JUST A GIRL

This was when I finally got it.

HIM - explained

Capital H-I-M AKA Helios is a very specific person, a boy I knew in 6th Form who I'm sure in hindsight wanted to date me but I never realised. I mean we might have even gone on like two dates and I was totally oblivious maybe I really am a comp het lesbian or maybe I'm just an idiot with minor social anxiety.

THE DAY WE MET

We met in the first Physics class, yes I did Physics and he asked me if we wanted to be partners on a practical. We remained friends for the whole of first year even though I got moved into a different class and then eventually dropped Physics altogether. I did have a crush on him, although I don't think I did from the first moment I met him, he got a beard after the Christmas holidays that really pushed that crush.

MISTLETOE

So me and V as he shall be known went to a Tim Peake book signing in London and it was just us and it was Christmas time in London and the lights were out and there was this big mistletoe? or holly or something display that we walked under and in hindsight that would have been a great meet-cute/date-cute but I'm a big idiot because I never even considered it being a date even though the guy used to call me for like 2 hours every weekend.

i'm not special

HE used to send me a snap every morning and at first I thought that made me special until I got a look at his phone and I realised that's just how he kept up streaks with his friends but he was literally in my top 8 snapchat friends.
In hindsight I actually think he did like me or at least wanted to do more stuff, we literally went on like 2 dates and I just didn't realise it I'm big dumb.

COWARD

The amount of times I psyched myself up to just tell Helios I liked him, I had ample opportunities. Once during one of or 2 hour long weekend phone calls he literally asked me who I wanted my first kiss to be with and that would have been the smoothest time to say 'you' and another time he asked me if I had a crush on someone and ended up deciding that I had a crush on lower case him aka Admetus. In the end he got back with his ex from Year 11 which I couldn't really blame him for and we stayed friends for a bit after that but yeah, that was probably on me except he also didn't say anything if that's what he wanted.

him - explained

Lowercase h-i-m AKA Admetus is a second boy I had a crush on in 6th form, he for sure liked me because after I told some people at a party that he wasn't at during truth or drink that I used to have a crush on him but I didn't anymore he legit stopped talking to me.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME + TRAPPED + WHEN YOU'RE NOT HERE

I was caught between my crush for Helios and Admetus so I really didn't know what I wanted with him, on top of that it took me ages to figure out that he probably liked me. I'm bad at social interaction, I think ever since year 7 when my best friend at the time Mia G told my crush I liked him after promising she wouldn't I've had a really hard time talking about crushes with people, even to this day it makes me uncomfortable.It just generally put a lot of pressure on our social interactions and made me even more tense and anxious about it.

her - explained

After fifth wheeling for a bit with my uni friends I finally landed myself a girlfriend of my own, who we shall call Catullia, but it ended pretty quickly (by my own hand).

SEVEN HOURS IN HEAVEN

Our first date was approximately seven hours so it's a play on seven minutes in heaven. We got pizza at Portland, chatted for ages then went to my room watched ep 1 of The Great, Wallace and Gromit and made out. I also made an absolute fool of myself even though she was very smooth, slow dancing with her song that she claims never fails her. Also I read her My Sappho 31 rewrite and Soulmate AU.

GREEN EYES

Her eyes are really pretty, they're like this startling blue-green-grey colour that I can't quite pinpoint. Ostensibly it's just comparing her eyes to bucolic and rustic elements of nature but it's also talking about touching her body because when she's lying on top of you, it's a great time to look into her eyes.

SUN TO BED

"I remembered all those times the two of us, put the sun to bed with our talk." ~ Callimachus Epigram 34Another poem talking about extended metaphors comparing her body to geographical locations but in a poetic and sensual way. Hopefully.

I LIKE THIS

I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship I think I just want someone to mess around with but getting into that is kinda of scarier than just looking for someone to date.

THIEF

Daphne and Cynthia are both two of my friends who are dating, one said that when the other stole their stuff it made them feel special and it made me think about how when Catullia did that it just kind of pissed me off.
"You have bewitched me, body and soul and I love, I love, I love you." ~ Pride & Prejudice (2005)

WHAT TO SAY

I am bad at any kind of serious conversation that's a topic that comes up in this poem and others like Conversations, Boring, Anymore, Superfluous and The Poet The Poem. In the time when I'm considering breaking up with her, talking this all out with her and maybe coming to some kind of I don't know, telling my friends how I'm feeling about this, it was all a nightmare. I literally hate talking, my heart rates been all over the place since this has started, my stomach has been filled with moths and I've been trying to drown this feeling by watching Criminal Minds and a bunch of Feds and unsubs with issues way worse than mine.

GO TO BED

When I first wrote it, it was very literal. I'd psyched myself up to send the break up message/make the call, even did two shots of vodka for some liquid courage and I still ended up in bed not doing it just wishing I could fall asleep before I had to think about it anymore.
When I looked back on it I realised it was in direct opposition to Sun to Bed which is all about how we stay up all night together, in this poem I want to do the very antithesis of that; go to sleep alone. When we studied Macbeth in high school we learnt that sleep was natural and when you subverted sleep, it was a sign you were subverting the natural order of things, things that were just right with the world. Lady Macbeth could not sleep and she killed herself, she had waking nightmares and hallucinations of bloodied hands, similarly, Macbeth had visions of bloodied knives and murdered friends and little sleep. And here I am finding myself subconsciously begging for sleep because I know we're not right together, me and her and I don't know how to say that without hurting someone.

HiM - explained

So this is an ongoing situation about a guy we shall just call Ares.

WHITE

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